Consummation
by Mizra
Summary: Edward's perspective during the events of Breaking Dawn. From Isle Esme up to Bella's change. 95% Canon, 5% My Own Ideas
1. Isle Esme

_DISCLAIMER: I own nothing of S.Meyer. This is her creation. Her playground. I just like to play in the sandbox sometimes. Also a first try at something more adult in nature. Please be gentle...  
_

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This was going to be the most nerve-wrecking experience of my existence.

As I step out onto the white sand of the beach, I see the waves lapping against the shore. I feel the salty wind in my hair, clinging particles of sand as I walk, humanly, to the large, twisting palm tree. I can't believe that I'm here, now, in this moment. This indescribably perfect moment with Bella.

My wife.

Saying that word, that single familiar term in my mouth excites me. She _IS_ my wife now. And I'm her husband. And this is the night of our honeymoon.

And I'm a vampire.

How can I do this? I recalled the afternoon in Carlisle's office upstairs of our home, asking those all-too-important questions. And, strangely enough, a little embarrassing. Carlisle had given me the best advice, as I had consented it to be. I told him about the bargain I made with Bella about her terms of my marriage proposal. He blanched, slightly.

"Do you really think that is wise, Edward? There are many things that could go wrong, especially trying to be as... intimate... as you will be. It's a bit different as a vampire than as a human," he said, leaning forward, catching my gaze. I absentmindedly had drifted to the wooden floorboards. I was never one to be embarrassed, but here I was, sitting in Carlisle's office, having "The Talk" with him.

Of course, he told me that physical love was a very strong and powerful form of love, the consummation of a couple. I understood the mechanics easily enough; that wasn't it. It was the experience itself that I had no human, or vampire, recollection for. I was, as I had explained to Bella, as completely spotless as she was in that section of my existence.

Not that I hadn't had my close encounters. I was never attracted to any female before until Bella came along. The desire may have been there, but I was utterly repulsed with who I was that I could never fathom someone loving me. But this experience, this moment of bliss, would need to be cautious and planned.

I asked Jasper and Emmett about it, explaining my own inexperienced thoughts about it. Emmett snorted and Jasper rolled his eyes.

"You think you can be romantic with her and _PLAN_ your wedding night?" Emmett joked, punching my arm. I neatly dodged it.

"Edward, really, that takes all the... fun... out of the moment," Jasper, agreeing with Emmett.

"What is it like?" I asked, timidly. I had never been so forthright about this area of my life, but with wedding looming closer, I had to figure out a few things.

"It's a very great pleasure. Second only to drinking human blood, little brother," Emmett said, his eyes shining. I then heard his mental thoughts grimaced. Emmett and his, ahem, adventures, with Rosalie were hardly tame by any terms.

Jasper nodded in agreement. "There is nothing like it, besides drinking the blood of a human. No greater passionate embrace can top it," he said, and I could feel the emotion he rolled out, the adoration he had for Alice.

More subtle than Emmett.

So here I was on this beach, this island of Carlisle and Esme's many anniversaries, and I had no idea what I was going to do. A midnight swim would be best. The temperature of the water was slightly warmer than Bella's human temperature. Surely that would help this.

I breathed deeply and took the next step. Removing my clothes and placing them over the tree, I walked slowly out into the ocean. I had never been nude in the water before, and strangely it was liberating. And the water was very warm to me...

As I walked through the ocean, feeling every single stone beneath my feet, I listened to the sound of the sea, the ocean breeze, and for Bella. She was freshening up, I supposed, in the bathroom. Then, I heard the shower running. She was showering? I swallowed back the venom pooling in my mouth angrily. I _could not_ allow myself to be overtaken by the monster tonight. I have waited over ninety years to be with the woman I loved and nothing was going to stop me from at least trying this act with her.

Nothing except myself, of course.

I tried calming myself by tuning out all other sounds besides the pattern of the waves splashing against the shore, retreating back into the sea. That soft slosh of saltwater reminded me of another moment, over a year ago. When I stayed that first night with Bella, awake and warm in my arms. She was asking questions, delaying something she really wanted to ask, I could tell.

I never dreamed of the question she would ask. She asked, honestly, if this moment could ever happen between us, if we could share such an intimacy, as only a husband and wife could share. I had laughed and rumpled her hair, answering in the most non-threatening way... _I may not be human, but I am a man..._

Distracted as I was, I couldn't deny the feelings stirring in me. Feelings, more like urges, to the point of nearly pain, flared up within me, coiling in my abdomen. I knew what it was, as I had felt like this many times over in Bella's presence. Yes, in this respect, I could be called a man. The tight coiling would only be relieved soon enough.

_Sigh._

The soft sound made me want to turn, but I wanted to prolong the moment. I heard terry cloth, a towel maybe? I didn't look, flap against the tree where my clothes were and I swallowed convulsively again. This time, there was no venom. Just pure nerves.

I thought over everything I had ever read about this, about what I would need to do to please her. She was the only woman I had ever been with, or would want to be with, and I wanted everything to be perfect. _Thorough_.

The little waves from her body lapped at my hips and I heard her breath catch, ever so slightly.

"Beautiful," she said, her hand resting lightly on mine, like a feather. The electricity that normally shot through me at her touch was exponential. I doubted if a man, vampire or human, could ever love a woman this much. But her accusation to the scene before us, the vast ocean, the moonlight coating us in a silvery glow, was nothing compared to what I turned to see before me.

How many times had I had thoughts about Bella like this? I swore every time that it was completely improper of me to think of her like this. I was no better than the likes of Mike Newton. _But you're a married man now, Edward_, I said to myself. She was my wife, I was her husband. I made a promise to her and I would follow through, no matter how fraught with peril it could be. I loved her.

"But I wouldn't use the word _beautiful_," I said, smirking. I twisted my hand so that our fingers were laced together, watching her expression. Those melted pools of chocolate that were her eyes stared into mine with such, ferocity, was it? "Not with you standing here in comparison."

Was I imagining that she wanted me as much as I wanted her? Right now? This moment? I took in every curve of her body, from her pale neck to her soft hips. She was breathtaking. More beautiful than anything else in the entire world. Then Bella placed her warm little hand over my heart, where I could have sworn it had begun to beat again. The coil in my stomach tightened and the desire for her flamed to a delicious new height.

"I promised we would _try_," I said, working hard to regulate my own breathing, to control myself. If I was going to make love to her, I had to be in complete and total control, no matter how I felt. Forget the the way her hips curved into me, the way her scent was growing stronger as her breath came faster. Forget how the moon bathed her in light, casting silver shadows over her features, her bare torso...

"If... if I do something wrong, if I hurt you," I said, making her hear the urgency in my tone. "you must tell me at once."

She nodded, her face burying on my stone chest. Again, my muscles tightened, ready to take her exactly as I wanted, but holding every restraint possible. She was so precious, so innocent. Like I was. But I was something much more menacing to her. Would we make it out of alive after this?

"Don't be afraid," she murmured. "We belong together." Like I could be afraid of her! _Her! _But I wasn't afraid, exactly. I didn't want to hurt her, to harm her in any way. I knew I would a little; it was part of the experience. But I had to keep every muscle, every cell, every fiber of my being in check. I couldn't let myself go...

Very delicately, I wrapped my arms around her, resting my hands on her bare back. I reveled in this; nothing in my ninety years could compare this moment. It was absolute perfection. Desire, lust, and over it all, deep love rested in me.

"Forever," I agreed. I was, and would be, all the man she wished me to be this evening. With that, I pulled us gently into the deeper waters of the ocean. I stared into her eyes for a long moment, after swimming out until I was nearly neck deep. I held her close, her eyes watching me. There was nothing but love there.

Carefully, as the inexperienced man I was, I placed kisses along her collarbone, the very thrill of each contact of my lips with her supple skin was like a shot to my core. Her breathing sped furiously as we began the dance.

I made a mistake. _This_ was the best night of my entire existence.

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	2. Things Look Differently In The Morning

_**Thanks for all the reviews so far! I really appreciate them all! This chapter is a good one, and I promise, there will be more!**_

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Someone once said to me that things would look differently in the morning after I had slept on it. Whatever it was, clarity somehow comes in the morning, when the light casts its glow over whatever the situation or problem. Of course, I couldn't sleep on anything; my mind was wrapped up in thousands of different things at once. A hundred little sensations that I felt last night.

I could linger on the details of our first night together. I could remember the taste of her scent, that luscious, floral scent on my tongue. I remember doing things that I had only imagined doing to her; feeling things I had never felt in my existence. And she, of course, obliged willingly to any request. She was incoherent most of the time, oblivious to the rage going on outside her precious, lust-induced mind. In the morning hours, I would no longer see what I had done in darkness. It would be brought to light the horrendous deed I had committed.

The night of passion we both shared was immeasurable, true, and I felt more complete with her now. As much as I knew we were compatible in every way, I was relieved to find I could please her well. I didn't recall any confessions of inadequacy from her. She seemed to like everything she had seen and felt last night...

But this was hardly the time to think about that. I couldn't control myself. I stared at the fluffy down covering our bed like some heavenly cloud, alluding to the night of pure bliss. But, in my blackest self, marred this night. I took what wasn't rightfully mine all along and destroyed her. Deflowered a beautiful, innocent creature like my Bella and very nearly killed her in the process of our physical union.

The pillows concurred to our activities last night.

If maybe I had been strong enough, fed a little more than usual the night before... no. No. _NO!_ I was nothing but a bloodthirsty creature and here I was, taking the virtue of this woman to satisfy my own lustful desires. I am such a filthy monster.

I watched the moon dip behind the oceanfront, the sun's rays casting ruby-tinged sparkles off my skin. Lying next to Bella, careful not to hurt her anymore, I was in anguish. Tortuous, agonizing pain. I had hurt her, in a moment that was supposed to be pure pleasure, my worst nightmare had come true.

When I heard her heartbeat pick up, the rose in her cheeks blossomed as she stirred. She was utterly beautiful, and yet I had defiled her. No matter how beautiful, wonderful, _perfect_ that first night was, I had hurt her, in ways I had never planned. I remembered something Alice had said to me before we left the reception that evening. My pixie of a sister told me to simply be gentle. I stared at her, dumbfounded.

"Edward... I know you told me not to look" she said, her voice heightening. "You asked me specifically to not look into this part of your future, but I couldn't help it. It just happened." Her face looked drawn and wan, her features normally smirking, now revolted.

"Edward, you can't... I love her! She's my best friend!" Her vision flew in a flurry of moments, nothing specific, but three instances: all three with Bella lying cold, dead, in my arms. Me, wailing a undeniable howl of pain, cradling her bare body in my arms. That beautiful body of hers bruised, broken, blood trailing from her lips and neck...

I seethed with anger. I couldn't allow myself to do this. I couldn't make love to her. Alice knew this. She was warning me. I had made a promise to my wife, but I also made a promise to myself: I would never, ever hurt her again. The two possibilities were never going to concede to one another.

"I. Will. Not. Kill. Her. Alice," I said, through clenched teeth. I loved her and that would have to be enough. At once, my sister's face became immobile like stone. I saw then what she saw: my wife and myself on the beach, carrying her bridal style to our bedroom.

"You're resolved now, Edward. You'll be fine."

But, now I doubted Alice's visions. Her nearly-omniscient sight was quite flawed. I had still hurt my bride. Bella stirred again, rolling gently into me. I cautiously, seeing the blooms of purple bruises on her milky skin. I knew she must be hurting. It would only be few more moments before I would hear her scream.

Her breath blew gently over my chest, her lips so close. I resisted the urge again, to take her, and idly stroked her delicate spine with my fingertips. Then I heard her chuckled softly.

"What's funny?" I asked, keeping my voice monotone, so as to not frighten her. Her face and neck was again rosy, here eyes turning glassy. She was thinking.

Then her stomach growled. She was hungry. "You just can't escape being human for very long," she said, a smile playing on her lips.

She was _jubilant_?! I seriously began to contemplate her mental sanity again as she stared at me in our silence.

"Edward," her voice shaky. "what is it? What's wrong?" _How could she not realize what was so horribly wrong?_

"You have to ask?" I said, my voice harder and colder. She should know better. She was human and the pain should be there. I wouldn't be in the least surprised she made got up, threw her wedding band at me and demanded that I take her home, let her run away screaming for her life, her soul.

Her face scrunched up in beautiful agony, and I reached, again with caution, to smooth her forehead of worry. "What are you thinking?" I asked, never forgetting that I couldn't read her beautiful mind.

She didn't understand how I could be so upset on a morning like this. I told her to stop downplaying her pain. But she surprised me again. She innocently denied anything wrong.

"Stop that," I said, closing my eyes. She simply could not be reasonable. She had no thought for self-preservation at all. Never did. She played dumb again, denying anything wrong.

"Look at yourself, Bella." _Beautiful, human, soft, fragile as a soap bubble, Bella_. "Then tell me I'm not a monster."

I watched as she looked over herself, noticing, of all things the feathers coating the bed. Where I rent a couple of pillows in the heat of passion. She, of course, in her maddening logic, asked about the pillows first.

"Look, Bella," I half-growled at her, wrenching her delicate wrist away from her body to show her the true form of my intentions last night. Ones I tried to keep at bay, but could not. "Look at _that._"

She touched the bruises on her arms, watching the colors fade. I heard her wince, knowing the throbbing would be there. I took her arm in my hand, matching my long, disgusting fingers to the violent bruises patterned on her skin.

"I'm... so sorry, Bella," I said, speaking above a whisper so she could hear me. "I knew better than to do this. I should not have--" I began, but a lump forming in my throat. The fire burned, her scent still lingering, but I ignored it. I swallowed loudly, the glob of hatred falling into my stomach. "I am more sorry than I can tell you."

Bella's chocolate brown eyes were momentarily blank before a fire burned behind them. She was angry. My little tiger-kitten. She tried to tell me she was fine, but I wouldn't allow it. If she valued my sanity whatsoever, she wouldn't tell me she was fine when she really wasn't. She, clearly, was in pain and was masking it. She did well to mask unpleasant things.

She then did the oddest thing. She told me I was killing her buzz. _Killing her buzz?_ She was thrilled with the idea of violent love-making with her? Was she truly insane? I rolled my eyes. What I wouldn't give to get a peek into that mind of hers...

"We knew this was going to be tricky. I thought that was assumed. And then -- well, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. And this is really nothing," she said, indicating her bruised arms. "I think for a first time, now knowing what to expect, we did amazing..."

I was livid. Did she expect me to hurt her? Had she anticipated that I would violently take her and make her mine? I felt the anger coursing through me, anger, for the first time, directed toward her. She planned that I would hurt her, and welcomed it. Was I _really_ the only masochist in this relationship?

"Did you _expect_ this, Bella? Were you anticipating that I would hurt you? Were you thinking it would be worse? Do you consider the experiment a success because you can walk away from it? No broken bones-- that equals a victory?"

Her voice was even when I stopped voicing my frustrations with the decision of last night. She said she didn't know what to expect, but that it was wonderful, perfect. Her chin dropped to her chest, her eyelashes closing those gorgeous brown eyes of hers.

Obviously, I had hurt her in more ways than one. She thought I hadn't enjoyed last night with her.

"It seems that I have more to apologize for," I frowned. I shook my head slowly. "I didn't dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn't... well, the best night of my existence." I could let her hear that much. But then, instantly afraid she would want to try again, I followed up. "But I don't want to think of it that way, now when you were..."

Her beautiful smile that I had fallen in love with played on her lips, her cheeks rosy, but with warmth and a slight, scandalous edge. A playful vixen of a woman. "Really?" she said. "The best ever?"

_Yes, my dear wife, the best ever._ What man, mortal or immortal, could deny such a powerful union and walk away feeling less than lackluster? She was my angel, a glorified being, and all I could do in her presence was fall under her spell, be tempted and seduced by her movements. Her lips on mine, her soft body cradled in my arms, her skin, reacting to my could touch in ways I had only heard of before.

My sharp mind only could remember moments of the passion becoming so great that I could barely contain myself. The feathers proved that much. She was more than willing to let me hold her tight, as our delicate dance wandered through the night. A near perfect night destroyed by my wickedness.

But I would not, _could not_, deny that I was a monster for hurting her. I made up my mind, after cooking her an omelet, that I wouldn't hurt her again. I would not make love with her again until she was changed. She would be safe in my presence, no matter what.


	3. A Fairytale

**Author's Note: Since this scene is the one I missed in Edward's POV the most, I'm adding it. I'm reveling in my girly nature here, so bear with me. I'll return to emo, masochistic Edward afterward.**

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Ever wonder what happens to the prince and princess after the vows are said, the "happily ever after" is written, ending the story? It doesn't end there. The storybook fairytales end with such a happy ending.

Except mine.

I never thought of myself fitting in a world of fairytales, as Bella glamourized me to be. She pictured me as some archaic white knight, and herself, the damsel in distress. I had come along to whisk the fair maiden away, as it were. Such stories usually didn't involve the chivalrous knight trying to _kill_ his beloved in a moment of passionate abandon.

I am no white knight.

But, for the time being, I played the part. Bella, her human hormones raging daily, was content with simply being with me. I took her on a tour of the island, pointing out all the sea life, the intricate coral reefs. I took her scuba diving, revealing a submerged cave from an earlier inspection prior to our wedding. She seemed to enjoy it, reveling in the details of the rock embedded under the island deep. She seemed strangely amused that whenever we were in the ocean, the sealife scattered. At one time, I wished my own love wasn't so oblivious to my sinister nature.

It was one afternoon, laying on the white, sandy beach, that Bella cuddled next to me, her heated skin enveloping me with both a calm and an underlying fervor to be one with her again.

I settled for closing my eyes, basking in the sun beside her. As her breathing regulated, falling asleep, I pulled her close and let out a sigh. It had been almost a week since the wedding. How I remembered so well that day. I had longed for it come, knowing that with just two words, the most beautiful in the English language then, would forever seal my fate with Bella's.

As Pachelbel's Canon played softly, by Rosalie, I felt that unfamiliar fluttering again. It resided in my chest, where my long dormant heart was. It felt alive, like it was beating once more. Once more for her. Mr. Weber stood to my left, as planned, with Carlisle on my right. My best man.

I watched Alice walk down the aisle, her silvery dress swinging, her smile matching brightly. _This is YOUR day, too, Edward, _she said, winking at me, as she stood at her place across the makeshift altar in our home. She had outdone herself this time. I couldn't remember a lovelier wedding planned by anyone else. I had been to numerous weddings by Emmett and Rosalie, and one anniversiary ceremony by Carlisle and Esme. But none of them compared to the sight of gossamer billowing from the ceiling and the strands of rosebuds and freesia adorning the doorframes and threshold at the foot of our staircase.

_She's coming, Edward!_ Alice said, her face gleaming. I held my breath, not to avoid pain of her scent. It was in anticipation of seeing my blushing bride greeting the small audience. Of seeing her face amongst all our friends and family here today. Of seeing my Isabella Marie Swan.

The music swelled and I stood, twitching slightly. I felt a hand on my shoulder, with calming words. _Calm down, Edward. Your bride, the one you've waited for, is here._

And there she stood. Just as I had pictured many times, her arm in Charlie's. Her face, nothing but soft cream and roses. I saw, for the first time, Bella in her wedding gown. It was shaped like a calla lily, inverted, with antique lace sown about in the edging. I knew enough about fashion to realize that this was exactly how a bride in my time would have looked. The bodice was smooth satin, pearls adorning the collar. The sleeves were sheer, trimmed elegantly in lace, too. It met at her soft neck, the maghogany locks in ringlets around her face, swept up by two silver combs. Alice had been right to keep this from me.

_Oh, look how great she looks! I love her dress!_ Jessica Stanley said a few rows back. She was here with, of all people, of course, Mike Newton. It didn't matter that his thoughts were just short of despicable. I was the winner, the triumphant one this. No other man had won her heart. I, by some gracious part of Fate, was granted to be with this woman for eternity.

Upon seeing her face, my smile grew, breaking into a most glorious dawn of light and love. The love I had felt for her swelled to a magnitude I had yet to understand. All I could see is my Bella walking toward me, beyond any mortal's, or immortal's for that matter, opinion of beauty. She was a treasure hidden, a most wonderful secret and rare garden.

As Bella and her father neared, I reached out my hand, aching to have hers in mine. Like nothing else before, this was what I had pictured for her. Of all the men she could have chosen to spend her lifetime, her _eternity_, with, she chose me. Me!

_Edward, she is beautiful!_ Esme, called, nearby. But I couldn't break my gaze from Bella. When the minister asked who gave this woman away, Charlie replied, his voice rough with emotion. He then, as old as time itself, placed her hand in mine, giving her to me. I swore to him I would love his daughter forever and I meant it. I would spend every day cherishing this woman.

The vows, as we agreed, had been kept simple, the traditional sort. Though there was nothing traditional about us, I felt complete saying such vows repeated by thousands of couples. However, none quite like us. A vampire husband and human bride. How strange, and yet, how fitting. I noticed tears in Bella's eyes as the vows came to a close. I reached out gingerly and wiped them away with my finger, her warm face causing the longing to resurface again. Even crying, she was breath-taking.

"Isabella Swan?" Mr. Weber said, his gaze, and mind, thoughtful. Peaceful. "Do you take Edward Cullen to be your lawfully-wedded husband? To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish for as long as you both shall live?"

As soft as a mouse, I heard her reply. "I do." She slipped the wedding band on finger and I clasped her hands in mine.

Mr. Weber then turned his gaze on me. "Edward Cullen? Do you take this woman to be your lawfully-wedded wife? To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish for as long as you both shall live?"

_As long as forever..._ "I do," I said, my words thick and victorious. She was mine. For all eternity. I carefully placed her wedding band next to her engagement ring, my mother's ring, and again, gently squeezed Bella's hands.

_Get ready, little brother!_ Emmett said, his face alight with playfulness. Then the words I had waited for came.

"By the power invested in me by God and the State of Washington, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Edward, you may kiss your bride."

My face couldn't have possibly stretched much more, my smile exuberant. I cradled Bella's face in my hands, noticing her depthless brown eyes sparkling with tears. Joyful tears, I knew. I felt as if the entire world, the entire universe, had stopped to watch this moment in our miniscule lives. Here was my bride, my wife. The woman I longed for before I realized it. She was here, now, and nothing would take this away from me. I bent my head toward hers, placing a tender, adoring kiss on her soft lips.

Again, I was at a loss for words. Nothing in my vocabulary could describe it.

I felt her arms stretch around my neck, the bouquet brushing against my ear. She was throwing herself into it. Headfirst, as usual. I would never tire of loving her. Never.

A smile played at my lips, remembering that wonderful day. I was glad Bella had decided not to run to Vegas. I knew she would have if Alice hadn't played the guilt card on her. At first, I was angry with Alice; no one was respecting Bella's opinion on the matter. I barely got her to agree to marry me without some sort of compromise on my part. Much less a fancy wedding that Bella was destined to hate. But, again, she surprised me.

Bella took to that day like a bird on wing. Effortlessly, she walked down that aisle to meet me, to become my wife. If it had been her choice, I would have gladly taken her to Vegas and we would have married in jeans and old shirts. I would have done anything she asked, just as long as she would be my wife.

And then, of course, she demands one single, solitary thing in return. I hadn't imagined, of all things, that she would request her last human act to be uniting with me in the most intimate of ways, but as I had longed for her over the past year, so, I guessed, she had me.

And, to be quite frank, even if I loved every minute of her warm, bare body against mine in heated passion, I couldn't risk her humanity right now. The honeymoon would be over soon and I would take her home and turn her. Carlisle had everything prepared when we got back. We would leave that day, from Forks, and be moving up to Alaska for the time being. The treaty, even if it HAD been broken by Jacob Black originally (unknowingly), we were still held by it.

I sighed again, opening my eyes to watch Bella in peaceful repose, her breathing rhythmic.

"I love you... Edward.." she called softly, in her dreams.

_I love you, too, Bella. With all my heart and, for what it's worth, my soul._


	4. Seduction From A Kitten

**A/N: Some phrases and ideas were taken from the _Midnight Sun_ draft. They are not essential to Edward's side of the story, just used in reference to, so I don't see them as spoilers. Either case, read with caution.**

**Meyer owns all. I don't.**

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Since the disastrous wedding night, I moved Bella to the blue room to sleep. I watched over her each night, looking for any signs of trauma. I had grown relaxed somewhat, however, seeing her so lovely asleep. Her hair plastered to her forehead, glistening with a slight sheen of sweat. She literally glowed, a radiant being in my midnight. How did I deserve her?

I knew the answer to that, but pushed it into the back of my mine. I didn't want to think about that right now.

I also had noticed, to my misfortunate, that my dear omniscient sister packed Bella's lingerie for her. There wasn't one thing Bella would have worn normally in that suitcase. No sweatpants, no tank tops. Nothing of the sort. It was all fragile, lacy nightgowns that let my mind wander and race. I was at war with myself every night as Bella tried on her new sleep attire, reigning in the animal, the ferocious male.

Sure, she looked sexy in anything; Bella was never considered plain in any way to me. But this... this was too much. Ivory silks, deep blue satins, and rich reds that complimenting her rosy cheeks. How much self-control was I expected to have with this? A man could only take things so far before he would snap... and I definitely did not want to snap on her. Or rather at her, as the case were.

And then, tonight, she does something I would have never expected. I was reclining on the bed, trying to keep myself in check, when she walks out in... in that. A black, lacy affair. It hugged in all the right places on her, leaving nearly nothing to my imagination. My eyes popped open wide, before I remembered my promise. I would not make love to her until she was changed, no matter what frilly lingerie she put on. No matter the seductive way she would bat her eyes, looking like a demure little minx. Or her almost-bare torso that caused me to fight ever cell in my body from ripping the clothing from her body and ravishing her.

No, I would not. I was still a gentleman after all. Somewhere.

"What do you think?" she asked demurely, pirouetting, letting me see every angle of her in the black, lacy lingerie. I fought for composure again. She was testing me again.

_How could this beautiful woman become such a seductress in a short time?_

I cleared my throat and spoke. "You look beautiful. You always do." I was unsure how my voice actually sounded until I said that last word. I sounded very unsure of myself.

"Thanks," she said icily, as if I had hurt her. _Why must I be the responsible one in this relationship?_

She climbed into her side of the bed, forming to my stone shape, just as she always had. I pulled her close, wrapping my arms around her. This wasn't so different from the past few nights. I was a natural air conditioner for her in this unnatural heat. I was glad that I chose the accept the island offer from Carlisle and Esme. It was once a gift for Esme, from Carlisle. And now it was Bella's turn to enjoy the sunshine.

"I'll make you a deal," she said, drowsily.

"I will not make any deals with you," I frowned.

"You haven't even heard what I'm offering," she pouted. Anything, anything at all I would have given her and she demands sex. Of all the human experiences to have, the millions of things she could have wanted, she wants... that. Not that I wouldn't have obliged, I allowed that. She was the only woman I had ever been attracted to, as I told her before, in _that_ way. But this was unbearable.

I told her it didn't matter. She sighed.

"Dang it. And I really wanted... Oh well."

I rolled my eyes. She was baiting me. I knew this. I knew this and yet, I was utterly frustrated. I simply _had_ to know what she wanted. Absurd or not, I had to know. Like an addictive little drug, I simply had to know.

Moments passed before I said anything. "All right. What is it you want?"

I saw a flash in her eyes, of amusement. Possibly a smug look, too, if I was reading her correctly.

She explained that even if the whole Dartmouth thing was a cover story (in which case it wasn't; I had fully intended to let her have a semester -- or two -- before I changed her) she agreed that a semester wouldn't kill her. Brutal choice of words. She went on saying how happy Charlie would be hearing stories from his college girl, her embarrassment with the brainiacs of the school. She was just as intelligent as anyone I had ever met, but I wasn't going to argue the point right now.

She surprised me yet again. "...Still... eighteen, nineteen. It's not really such a big difference. It's not like I'm going to get crow's feet in the next year."

Was she serious? After all this arguing, fighting, pleading on her part... she wants to stay human? She doesn't want to become a vampire right now? I couldn't speak nor fathom her understanding in this. She had pleaded her case over a year now, wanting me to turn her. I only agreed to it since for two reasons. Her mortality and myself. It was most selfish thing I could ever do, but I wanted her with me for eternity. But, in order to not arouse suspicion on our part, we needed a guise, a cover. Marriage and college seemed ideal to me.

True enough, I wanted to marry her. I loved her and been toying with the idea of proposing since our first summer together. I wanted her to be my wife and, even if it seemed rushed on the outside of things, I hoped she would agree to it. College, on the other hand, was more of a reason to move away from Forks. We all knew the treaty would be broken when I changed Bella, so moving off to college was perfect. Besides, if I could get her to marry me as a human then maybe I could press my luck and coax her into attending college. She would love it and I knew she was brilliant enough. I wouldn't need to tutor her at all, like she claimed.

But this deal she was presenting me with, her humanity for sex, was beyond my comprehension. Why would she do this when I had already agreed that I would damn her soul and stop her heart forever?

In a low whisper, I realized my feelings out loud. "You would wait. You would stay human."

Suddenly, I was maddeningly angry. "Why are you _doing_ this to me? Isn't it hard enough without all this?" I grabbed the black lace on her thigh, wanting to prove my point. In a split second, I also realized I wanted to rip the lace from that silky, creamy thigh of hers. To caress every inch of her again, my lips the only thing she would feel against her skin.

_No, Edward. Control yourself. Savor the time you had with her, because that will not be happening until after she's been changed. And longer than that when she's a newborn..._

I told her I won't make any deals with her. We argued about her _real_ reason for going to college. She protested that she actually wanted to go to college and that it had nothing to do with what physical need she felt she had. Never mind my own physical need that ached for her. She felt that she had a reason now to stay human a little longer. _She would be a thirsty creature like I was, like we all were, as a newborn._

"I have a reason to be human that I didn't have before."

"What's that?" I asked, though I knew already.

"Guess," she said, pressing her soft lips against mine. I willed myself to stay controlled, to not take her then. I pressed lightly against her lips, hoping to tell her through my kiss that I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I loved her more than life itself. More than anything else in all of creation. And because I loved her, I didn't want to harm her in any way.

She was becoming very readable to me. Her thoughts, or rather actions for those thoughts, were clear. She wanted me. That thrilled me to my very core, but I had to control myself. This little tiger-kitten of a woman would be the death of me.

"You are _so_ human, Bella. Ruled by your hormones," I chuckled, realizing how much I would miss that. But, in all reality, I had a little hope I would be getting something better in return: an eternity with her. Forever with Bella.

I smiled down at her, brushing her hair from her face. She looked tired. I began to hum gently to her, cradling her in my arms. We spoke a little. I noticed she had been sleeping heavier than usual. And she had begun snoring. She had never snored before, so I had kept tabs on her health more than usual. Bella had been having dreams, too. Nightmares, she said. I was surprised since she usually talked in her sleep. She hadn't spoken once since out first night here, sleeping through the night and into the mornings. Her patterns had changed.

"They're just dreams, Edward," she said, placating me. Two can play that game.

"Do you want me to sing to you?" I said, lowering my eyes until I could peek under my lashes. "I'll sing all night if it will keep the bad dreams away."

"They're not all bad. Some are nice... very colorful." Her face drew into a smile and I hugged her softly. She yawned and asked when the semester started at Dartmouth. I didn't answer her but hummed, lulling my beauty to sleep.

Hours passed as I watched the moonlight peek through the windows. I kept them open, hoping for a passing breeze. The salty ocean air enveloped the room and I could smell the saltwater, teeming with sea life. The many plants and organisms under the dark blue waves. Waves that crashed against me that first night. Waves that washed over Bella's beautifully bare form.

I had seen the female body before. It was hard not to when you could see the vivid imagery of some people. Not to mention going through medical school twice. I knew the bones that fitted the curve of her hip, the arteries that traveled from those areas. I knew of nerves, ligaments, cartilage and muscle. I knew all of this. But seeing her that night, I wanted to forget it all. To have my memory wiped and for her image, hers alone, to be the only female form embedded in my mind. She was beautiful. Unworthy beautiful. A sweet-smelling rose in a garden of weeds. And she was mine.

--

She awoke with a start, her heart beating out of her chest. She panted, her eyes wild. I stroked her arms, asking her what was the matter. When she didn't respond, I grew scared.

"Bella! I said, alarmingly loud. "What's wrong?" I asked frantically, wiping the salty tears from her cheeks, even as more poured down her face.

She told me, through hiccups and tears, about how real the dream was. How vivid, how... wonderful it was.

_Wonderful?_ A dream that she hated to awake from? That was a first. And she acting so strangely, her hormones ruling her unlike before. I passed it off as that, but in the back of my mind, something tugged. Something I couldn't place.

"Tell me about it. Maybe that will help," I said, urging her to get whatever it was out of her system. I might make her go see a doctor in Rio tomorrow if she still felt so tired and strange. Not herself.

"We were on a beach..." she said, staring into my eyes. What was it? She was on a beach... "And?" I said, begging for more.

Suddenly she looked as if she would cry again. Her face pinched tight and she clung to my neck, nearly hysterical. "Oh, Edward..." I rubbed soothing circles on her back, wondering what could be wrong with her. Did I feed her enough? Was she dehydrated? Was she still half-asleep?

Then, unexpectedly, she latched herself to me tightly and locked her feverish lips with my own. I struggled for a moment, not wanting to hurt her, but not wanting to break our kiss either. I wanted her. Badly. I called on my decades of willpower again and pulled her gently away, keeping my hands firmly on her shoulders.

"No, Bella," I said, trying to sound stern. But my half-crazed eyes were not hidden from her. She looked horrified, blush flooding her cheeks as she began to tear up. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks, as she contemplated my defensiveness.

"I'm s-s-sorry," she stuttered and mumbled. Looking up from under her eyelashes, her face looked so helpless, so sad, so heart-breaking. I was hurting her again.

"I can't, Bella! I can't!" I moaned, rocking her back and forth in my arms. I couldn't do what I did to her a week ago. I had bruised her, given her pain where pleasure was supposed to be. Instead of an amazing human experience for her, it was a night of dark deeds and pain.

"Please," she said. Her eyes pleaded with me, taunted me. I had no willpower left. "Please, Edward?"

The dam broke. Every ounce of my willpower was gone with those two words and I wound my arms tightly around her, groaning in both pain and pleasure. I planted open-mouth kisses over her lips, her chin, her neck, trailing down her shoulder. She wrapped her arms tightly around me and we both fell over the edge together.

Would I ever learn how to say no to Bella and mean it?


	5. Author's Note!

_**Author's Note:**_

_Sorry I have not updated in so long, guys, but I promise I am still working on this. I've come to a hard spot and, with the gentle guidance of a friend, I am slowing working through the next few chapters. I am also happy to announce that this story, from chapter 5 and on, will be co-written with author segolily. She is a most amazing author, so go check out her work when you get the chance._

_I hope to have the next few chapters out soon, but I cannot promise a timeline. Thank you for the reviews and I hope you won't be disappointed!_

_Much love,_

_Mizra_


	6. Begotten

**A/N: Thank you so much for sticking with me. I love the reviews and I appreciate them all. I'm really stretching my writing wings here, so please be constructive about anything you read. I like it better when you are nice enough to treat me as a person and give me helpful criticism. Thanks again ~ Mizra**

It had been two weeks since I had hunted last. Two weeks since the wedding. A rare breeze blew outside the open window of the blue bedroom. I felt the air stir Bella's hair, sending her scent to flame my throat. Yes, I needed to hunt. I removed myself from her side, stopping by the side table. Retrieving a pen and paper, I quickly wrote her a note, letting her know of my whereabouts, in case she would awaken. I folded the paper neatly in half and addressed it to 'Mrs. Cullen'. Closing my eyes as I left the room, I would only remember how much I loved hearing that. Mrs. Cullen. How many times had I pondered Bella as my wife? How many times had I wondered how my mother's ring would look on her finger? How many times had I imagined our wedding night? I had simply lost count. It became natural, part of my existence, to imagine Bella as my wife.

I made my way outside to the speed boat. Untying the rope, I pulled it fast and was soon gliding smoothly over the Atlantic Ocean. Speed was still an exhilaration . A pleasure. However, I could now think of other pleasurable things than the hum of an engine and the wind whipping against my face. That familiar fluttering feeling returned, reminding me of last night's activities.

I arrived on the coast of Brazil, near the edge of the beach which encroached on the rainforest. Wildlife abounded and I tied the boat quickly to hunt. I ran swiftly, letting my instincts take over. I found exotic delights here and I would remind myself to come back with Emmett. Surely he would enjoy a rousing game of predator versus prey with the local wildlife.

As my thirst began to dissipate, leaving only a sore ache in my throat, I was reminded again how much I had needed this. Last night was, however wonderful, was definitely close. I had almost hurt her again and I couldn't take another chance like that. Even if I was completely desensitized by Bella's floral aroma, I couldn't deny the physical affects it still left me. Every time I was with her, it was still a battle. However minor it was. The slow, dry ache in my throat. The pooling of venom in my mouth, although not as much. The hollow yearning in my stomach competed with other yearnings last night. Any reason to leave her was a hardship, but this I had to do. At least until she was immortal like me.

And I was back to square one.

Immortality. I stared at it in the face, day in and day out. For ninety years, I've contemplated eternity. What did it mean anyway to live forever? What was it worth to live if there was nothing in it? No reason for the constant thirst, no reason to even exist. I had merely played a part; I was a very good actor. I could see the choices, the mistakes, I had made since Bella came waltzing (or rather falling) into my life. She was a good person, through and through. I had learned that since we first met.

But to allow myself to become that monster, that red-eyed fiend once more, just to appease my clueless dear wife was maddening. Why would she want to commit to an eternity of darkness when she could live out her life as a mortal, as a human?

She agreed to marry me, and, even now as I was her husband, I couldn't fathom what she saw in me. What was it that could make her give up everything most precious to her human life and die to be with me? I was beside myself with this torment. To change her would me ending her life. To keep her human would endanger her for the rest of her life. Which was it to be?

Being alone always allowed me to think. I relished when I was alone, contemplating the day's events, contemplating, to be completely honest, everything. My bachelor days were not something I enjoyed remembering, however. Bella changed every bit of me. Every fiber, every cell was devoted to her. I imagined morbidly that if someone was to destroy me, they would not find my heart, but something much like Bella's within my chest. My heart had been hers since before I even realized it. I didn't even understand it at first, rejecting her completely. I was a monster and nothing could be done to change that. Not even love as precious as hers.

"Edward, love doesn't always come in convenient, little packages," Esme had reminded me. She proceeded to do everything in her power to ensure that I, her son, was going to impress the little human girl. I smiled at the memory.

Despite all my misgivings, and Bella's thoughts on her wild, early days, she would be still be the same girl I fell in love with. Sure, her skin would match mine, her heart missing its beautiful thrum, her scent dampened by the vampire venom that filled her completely. But she would still be Bella. I didn't need Alice's visions to know that she would be the loveliest, smartest, kindest vampire anyone would ever meet. She was the only thing I had lived for all these years, unknowingly, and now she wanted to be by my side forever. What could I offer her in return? I would give up everything I had to make sure she would never regret her choice. I would make sure I was everything she could ever need. And I would do anything to keep her here, with me. Anything.

I found myself making my way back to the boat, just before sunrise. I knew the forecast would be mostly sunny and today would be no exception. I had to put as much distance between me and the mainland so as to not arouse any suspicions about my shining skin. I cranked the engine and, with one hand on the wheel, pulled a thick hooded shirt from the floorboard. I pulled it over my head and slid the hood over my hair. Besides the fact that Bella and I were in the middle of nowhere, I still felt uneasy. Something glittering over the Atlantic Ocean was surely a way to attract unwanted attention.

It didn't take nearly as long as the trip leaving in the trip coming back. It was as if my whole being could recognize that I was coming closer to her with each lap of the ocean water against the boat. I understood now what Bella had mentioned one time before the wedding. I had went away on a hunting trip and came back to her Sunday night, slipping in my room to find her lying asleep on my bed

------------------------

_Moving gently so as not arouse her from her slumber, I removed my boots and socks. I climbed into bed, slowly aching to be near her again, to feel her warmth again. Her livelihood. Her very life pulsing behind the near-translucent skin. I cradled her to my frame and she turned instinctively into me. Her feminine features molded to my stone, and such a strange warmth filled me. Yes, I was a man and she was this dear woman in my life. The most precious thing to me._

_I caressed her face with my thumb, stroking gently over her eyelids and lashes. I pressed my lips to her cheek, pleased to feel, even in sleep, the blood pooling behind her face. I watched as her eyes fluttered open and a smile crept across. She was welcoming me._

_"Welcome home, Edward," she said, softly. I pressed my lips to hers, parting them slightly, breathing in her scent ever so much. I had experimented with our boundaries a little, as per her request. She thought it best to explore what would make me tick, as Bella put it. And for me, it was simply... warm. And insatiable._

_"Mmm.." I mumbled, still kissing her. I wound my hands through her messy locks, splaying them in my hands over her neck. My other hand found her waist, tracing the waistband of her shorts that she had worn to bed that night. Bella's warm, little fingers found themselves in my hair, her body curved inward to me. A moan softly escaped her lips._

_You better pull back, Edward. You're too close..._

_With a sigh, I resigned to the fact that she wasn't, indeed, my wife. Not yet. There would be more time for that later. I unwound myself from her, much to Bella's dismay. Her beautiful lips pouted out in such a cute way, I had to restrain myself from chuckling aloud._

_"No wrong impressions tonight then, hmm?" she said, a hint of stubbornness colored her tone._

_I couldn't help it. I chuckled. "No, I suppose not. It wouldn't be right for a man and his fiancée to act so inappropriately before their marriage."_

_"I don't care if you act inappropriately at all," she said, and her cheeks flushed. She must have felt that she had embarrassed herself because her eyes went down, avoiding my gaze._

_I took her chin in my palm and lifted it to meet my own eyes. "Isabella, I cannot wait until I marry you. There are things I would love for us to do together as a couple. Others...," I said, trailing off. Her face grew a deeper shade of red. "well, let's just say that I am trying to be as much of a gentleman as possible and each day gets more difficult."_

_I pulled her close and she sighed. We laid like that for a few more minutes until she broke the silence._

_"I am so glad you're home," she said, while placing a small kiss on my neck. "I can't explain it right, but, it's as if my whole person knows that you're home. Like I am complete now that you're back."_

------------------------

I understood that feeling now. Even as I slowed the boat to a stop, cut the engine and roped it back to the dock. Even as I ran as quickly as possible through the overgrown brush to our island cottage. Even as I reached the doorknob and was now safely under the roof, removing my hooded sweatshirt. It wasn't until I spotted her lying on the couch, fast asleep, that I knew I was safe. I was here with Bella and I was home.

"I'm sorry," I said, wiping my hand across her forehead where I had just kissed. I could taste her sweat on my lips. It was as sweet as her blood. "So much for the thoroughness. I didn't think about how hot you would be with me gone. I'll have an air conditioner installed before I leave again." I had plans of two more weeks before we would leave, going back home. Of course, if she were to change her mind, I would happily stay a few more weeks. Months even.

Bella grasped at the air, pulling herself up with a muttered "Excuse me!" I dropped my arms instantly as she sprinted, cringing when she narrowly missed the step from the living room to the hall, towards the bathroom.

Then I heard her. She was vomiting.

I rushed to her, calling out to her, placing my cool hands on her neck, brushing her hair away from her face. My coolness would soothe her throat from the invariable ache that would be there. "Bella? What's wrong?"

She retched again and mentally began tabulating what could make her sick. Was it something minor or worse? What diseases were prevalent in South America that she could have contracted? She's nauseated, hasn't been sleeping well... hmm...

"Damn rancid chicken," she moaned, not quite finished. She vomited again.

Chicken? Did she have food poisoning? I was positive I checked the dates on all the food before I let her eat any of it. It seemed fresh to me.

She assured me it was just food poisoning and that I didn't need to be there. Likely story. I would not wait on the sidelines while she was sick. I made up my mind to call a doctor in Rio for late this afternoon. There must be something I could get prescribed for her. Something.

"Food poisoning?" I questioned, not sure that was it. My medical knowledge told me this didn't behave like food poisoning, but I kept that to myself.

"Yeah," she said hoarsely, her voice barely above a whisper. "I made some chicken last night. It tasted off, so I threw it out. But I ate a few bites first."

Recalling my extensive study of medicine from years ago, I placed my hand on her forehead, seeing if I could check her temperature. She felt warm, about the same ninety-eight point six. Nothing unusual, though her face showed signs of flush from the vomiting. "How do you feel now?" I asked, watching her warily.

She said she was fine and felt ? After all that food she just coughed up? I ruled out food poisoning. I didn't think it was wise to eat right after, so I made her drink a glass of water and wait an hour. When I asked her again, she still stuck to the 'I'm fine' phrase.

"What would you like to eat, sweetheart?" I asked, brushing her chin lightly with my fingertips. She looked deep in thought for a moment, then a smirk crossed her features. "Eggs, please."

Eggs again? I shrugged my shoulders and fried her some eggs, using up the last of the fourth container this week. Twelve dozen in two weeks. I never noticed she had such an appetite and for eggs of all things. I wondered idly if she would want something else later and reminded myself to call tomorrow for a grocery delivery.

After lunch, we cuddled on the couch, flipping through the channels. Nothing was more interesting than her right now. Her beautiful lips, her glowing skin. Her heartbeat, its quick and slow thrumming. I settled on CNN knowing full well that here on this island, if world war three were to break out, I would have never noticed. The sky could have crumbled into the sea, the mountains roll back into the horizon. None of it mattered as long as I had Bella.

But she was sick. The closer I looked at her from side glances, the more I was sure there was something up. She was violently sick in one moment and then appeared to be completely healthy on the outside the next moment. I had seen where the closest hospital was when we arrived in Rio before taking the boat here. I could have her in the emergency room within twelve minutes. I had timed myself.

I felt her twitch before I realized she was ill again.A million thoughts ran through my mind, wondering what could be making Bella so sick. I held her hair back from her face as she retched again, this time in kitchen sink. She had to be weakening, not keeping down her food. I helped rinse the residue from her lips and gave her a cup of water to help keep her hydrated. Losing this much fluid from her body through expulsion would undoubtedly make her dehydrated.

"Really, I'm fine, Edward," she said. She used the word 'fine' much too often in her speech. It always left me completely frustrated to what was _really_ going on inside her head. Was she worried at all about herself? Didn't her health mean anything to her?

One knock on her door told me no. She had gone to the bathroom again, to brush her teeth, and I needed to check on her. "Are you well? Did you get sick again?"

"Yes and no," was her strange answer. What on _earth_ was making her sick? The sleeping, the change in her eating habits, the sudden sickness...

"Bella? Can I please come in?" I said, my worry tainted my voice.

"O....kay?"

I stepped in and saw her on the floor, cross-legged. She was still in the tank top and shorts, the strangest look covering her face. Her suitcase was opened on the floor beside her and she held a small blue box of tampons. What did her feminine nature have to do with her sickness?

I asked her what was wrong again and she answered my question with a question. The days since the wedding had been seventeen total. She looked as if she was deep in thought, mouthing numbers. Counting. She sat like that for so long. I couldn't think of anything that could her make her _that_ sick suddenly, without warning. Bella didn't get so sick during her menstruations. A little pressure, headaches, maybe some change in eating habits, but nothing like this.

As hard as it was, I knew the difference in her scent during that time. It was stronger, more potent. I had a harder time with my instincts when I was around her. I didn't dare say anything for fear of her embarrassment and... well, a gentleman simply does not ask a lady such questions of a personal nature.

She held up the blue box like it was the answer. I knew better. "Are you trying to pass this illness off as PMS?" I asked, sarcastically. I hadn't heard of women getting so sick during this time of the month. I mentally crossed out her menstruation alongside the food poisoning.

"No," she choked out. "No, Edward. I'm trying to tell you that my period is five days late."

Five days late? How could Bella be late? I didn't understand and I felt like I was missing something very obvious. My face was blank. Her period was five days late. She was violently ill. She slept more than usual. She ate so much, like she was eating for two people.

For two people. _Two_ people.

Immediately, my body ran colder than ever before. My mind froze, all color from the day's hunt faded. I didn't hear her say anything, but heard her squeak and scramble from my feet to the bathroom mirror. She wrenched up her shirt to show what was really wrong. A small, but definite bulge was deforming her perfect stomach. A bulge.

She was pregnant.

I couldn't understand how this could have happened. I was a vampire. I didn't have that possibility. I gave that idea up long ago, knowing full well that vampires could not procreate. We were physically dead. Esme couldn't bear children, which was why we were her adopted children. Rosalie couldn't either.

But nothing was ever said about a _male_ vampire mating with a _human_ female.

My mind scanned through all the legends, the stories I could possibly remember about vampires. Every mythical canon, every piece of research Carlisle had done on our physiology. As far as we knew, the only ones supposedly capable of such were incubus. But they never left their victims alive. _Alive._

I had left her alive. Bruised, but alive. And now… now, there was something inside her. Where that one night of intense pleasure was, there was the product of that night curled up inside her. What could it be? I had no clue, no evidence to back this up. I had only heard stories, nothing more.

Whatever this thing was, it would kill her. The stories about the incubus resulting in the female dying from either trying to carry the demon spawn to term.... or the birthing of the creature. No one survived. Forget the circumstances behind childbirth in the natural sense. This was wrong. Unforgivable. An unpardonable sin.

I wanted to shudder, but my body wouldn't react. My limbs were numb, deadened. I could not feel, nor understand why my arms and legs would not obey me. All I could think of was my beautiful, soft, breakable Bella carrying… that _thing_ within her womb. A demon inside her. And I put it there.

Two years of keeping Bella safe. Two years of doing everything in my power to keep her out of harm's way, fighting Fate. I was fighting a losing battle, always whisking her away from one danger to the next. And I was always involved, someway. And now, after all this time of keeping her safe, I turned a night of passion into her death sentence. There was no way around it. No way to keep her safe from me. From my family or my kind. She would die… and it was because of me. I had just signed Bella's death certificate in my own hand by… impregnating her.

If the _thing_ was indeed a child, if the universe felt the need to continue this sadistic joke, than (according to the stories) the thing would rip from her, destroying the mother while the crazed young would terrorize the populace.

It sounded like something from a late night horror movie. A terrible one at that.

Yet, here I was, standing in the bedroom with my wife who could possibly be carrying my soulless, demonic spawn. All because of my own damn, idiotic selfishness.

The cell phone in my pants pocket rang. The trilling was so loud in the deafening silence. I couldn't move. I knew who it was. I knew it would be Alice and _that_ news was not welcome in the least. I knew the ending to her vision before she would share it.

I watched Bella stumble over to me, one arm propping herself on the floor, the other cradled around her stomach. Around the bulge. My brain didn't register what this meant until later. The phone continued to ring sharply in my ears. Bella found the phone in my side hip pocket and opened it quickly.

"Hi, Alice," she answered, her voice riddled with emotion. Was it fear? Most certainly it had to be. What woman wouldn't be afraid to suddenly be _that_ pregnant within two weeks? Much less pregnant with something possibly sinister. I heard my sister's voice over the phone.

"Bella? Bella, are you okay?"

"Yeah, um, is Carlisle there?" Bella asked. I was sure it was because my father would know more about this than anyone. But then again, if he did know, why hadn't he forewarned me? How many times had I seen in the minds of others about how it can only take once. One union to create this. I was sure, however, that no flimsy piece of latex would have helped. It barely helped the humans, so why would it help a venomous vampire?

"He is. What's the problem?" Alice sounded so calm. She must be trying to keep my wife calm.

"I'm not... one hundred percent...sure..." Bella said, her voice quavering at the end.

"Is Edward alright?" Alice asked, calling 'Carlisle!' away from the phone and then asking why I didn't pick up the phone myself.

I felt as immobile as the stone I am.

"I'm not sure."

"Bella, what's going on? I just saw¾" There was no need to finish her sentence. What had my nearly-omniscient sister seen? I could imagine in the darkest parts of my mind _exactly_ what would happen to my sweet Bella. I grew colder even still.

"Bella, it's Carlisle. What's going on?" My father's voice was frightened, but controlled. Better than I was. Would he know if she was truly pregnant? Would he know how to stop it from killing her?

"I¾I'm a little worried about Edward... Can vampires go into shock?" she asked, warily looking at me. I did not look her in the eyes but continued to be stone. I couldn't move if I tried.

"Has he been harmed?" Carlisle asked, alarmed.

"No, no," she said, assuaging the mess. "Just... taken by surprise."

"I don't understand, Bella."

"I think... well, I think that.... maybe... I might be... pregnant." She tried to regulate her breathing, her hand going to her swollen belly. A long pause.

"When was the first day of your last menstrual cycle?" he asked, professionalism kicking in. She answered him quickly, obviously having done the mental math several times.

Carlisle continued to question her and all I could think about was the monster that was inside her. Feeding on her. I understood the cycle of a maturing unborn infant. It received nourishment through the mother. The only possible nourishment that any spawn of mine could possibly receive would be blood. It would kill Bella eventually. My heart sank deeper to my knees, my breath caught in my throat.

After all this time, I would lose her. Because of something I had done to her. There was only one solution – to have it undone.

"...and... and I swear something _moved_ inside me just now."

My head snapped up, the glaring reality staring me down. I reached out reflexively for the phone. Bella looked at me cautiously, saying something to Carlisle, but I had a few words for my adoptive father and long time comrade.

I pressed the phone to my ear, helping Bella to her feet and pulling her close. "Is it possible?" I asked in a strained voice.

Carlisle took a deep breath. "Look at the facts, Edward. You know about human reproduction as well as I do."

"But I am not human," I hissed.

"I know. This is incredible. I'm not sure what to think. But if she's five days late, there's only one possible answer.

I inwardly sighed. He just had to be so, damn logical. I lowered my voice and spoke rapidly, I did not want Bella to hear this conversation.

"Carlisle, listen to me. She not only behaves like a pregnant woman, she _looks_ visibly pregnant. This is wrong. I never should have slept with her. I should have waited until she was changed before infecting her with my venom. I should have¾"

"Edward," he interrupted, "we can't know anything for certain. You have to get her home immediately so I can examine her."

"Of course. So you can remove whatever this thing is," I agreed.

Carlisle's voice rose and was tinged with panic. "If that's medically necessary, of course I'll consider it. But please, get her home first."

"Her life is in danger," I growled. "This is beyond necessary. I can _not_ lose her."

"I will do everything I can, Edward, I promise. But there's nothing I can do on the phone!" The last of his patience vanished.

I paused, unsure if I should ask my next question. "Do you believe what she says? That's she's actually pregnant?"

"Bella has always been very intuitive, you know that. And human women do seem to know these things."

My dead heart filled with disappointment. It would have been much easier to think that there was the slightest possibility she wasn't pregnant. That this was all a terrible mistake. But if she really was pregnant, intuitive or not, my Bella would be terrified right now. I was going to have to assure her that everything was going to be fine. That Carlisle and I would do everything we could to rid her of her vampiric, venomous infection that I gave her. In other words, I was going to have to lie.

"We'll take the next plane," I whispered rapidly then snapped the phone shut.

Bella stared into my eyes, watching me closely. Looking for some kind of snap. Something dark, I'm sure.

"What did Carlisle say?" Her eyes slightly irritated and yet intrigued.

"He thinks you're pregnant."

May she forgive me.


	7. Burning Man

Chapter 6: Burning Man

(Long time coming, I know, I know. But, hopefully, this will be worth the wait. I'm already penning chapter 7 now. With luck and time, the next few chapter will be out quickly.)

* * *

We arrived hours later in the Seattle airport. We had a layover in Houston, one that took longer than any human should suffer. I could have ran faster than the time it took for the pathetic humans to fly the plane. I could have carried Bella on my back and ran the whole way to Forks...

Bella. Oh, my Bella...

As many times as I whispered "I'll take care of this," she never responded. Was she trying to be be strong for my sake? She didn't need to be strong for me at all. I would be strong for her. I would burn a thousand times before I let one thing harm her. There was no way anything would happen to her. I would find a way to stop this, to get rid of this... pregnancy. She didn't need this. Bella couldn't want this! Who was to say that it was truly a child? No one. There had never been anything like Bella and I before.

I would never allow her life to be sacrificed for my horrendous error in judgment. Her pregnancy with my venomous seed could not be her death. I would not allow it. If Bella ceased to exist...I would cease to exist.

And I slowly burned at the possibility that she could just...cease to be.

Because of me.

Because of my selfishness and weakness at being unable to refuse her anything she desired. For a human, she always surprised me with her unrelenting willfulness.

This was a mistake from the beginning. I should never have agreed to make love to her on our wedding night. I should have let Carlisle change her after her graduation. I should have just stayed away from her, as far from her as possible, since that very first day in biology.

I should have stayed in Alaska. I would have burned for her from afar, ensuring that her life would have never crossed with mine. She would have been safe, healthy, happy. Her life would have never been in danger again. Everything that has ever happened to her was because I had been involved in her precious human life.

But I wasn't strong enough to do that. I loved her too much to do that. So, instead, I would do everything in my power to protect her. A tiny, sarcastic voice in mu head scoffed, reminding me of just how well I did that. I shook my head loose of those thoughts, knowing it would not help. I just needed to get her to Carlisle for him to examine her.

Yet when we stepped off the plane, the strongest emotion I felt was not sorrow or regret. It was unbelievable frustration. She was too quiet for too long and refused to meet my gaze. I attempted to reassure her, try to bring her back from wherever she had gone in her mind. But even wrapping an arm around her rapidly bloating form was in vain. She said nothing, she never looked at me and simply kept her chin raised as we walked to the gate.

"Everything will be fine," I murmured low in her ear.

This was a convincing lie I had been repeating for the last several hours. Before, each time I said the lie, she would sigh and look away from me. But as we walked through the gate and I said the lie again, she visibly shuddered and tried to wrench herself free my grasp. I held on tighter and frowned as I looked down on her.

Had she somehow managed to see that it was lie? That I had no way of predicting the future? That I was only hoping she would be fine, but in truth, things would go horribly wrong? For the love of all things holy, what on earth was she thinking?

Then I suddenly froze in shock. I stood at the gate like a statue while the humans rushed around me. Rosalie was practically screaming in her thoughts, as my family stood there like an army waiting to lose a battle.

_You stupid, selfish jackass! You have everything you could ever want in the world and you want to destroy this baby, too? This is Bella's choice, Edward. And we're in this together._

I figured out the plan now. If I had paid more attention, I would have seen what Bella was planning to do, what she now was set to do. She wanted to keep the monster. Like some lost puppy, she was determined to keep it safe.

But I could never be mad at Bella. Stressed and anxious, yes, but never angry at her. How could I when she was risking her life and soul to be with me? No, I could never be mad at my wife, Isabella Cullen.

I could, however, be murderously furious with my sister, Rosalie Hale.

Clenching my fists, I swept across the terminal, feeling my family's eyes on me. I stood in front of my dear sister, waves of fury rolling off of me. Why would she do this? Agree to help Bella? Feeding her insanity by talking about the... the _fetus_ that way. It wasn't even a baby! It was half mine, a monster.

I felt Emmett and Jasper's arms on my shoulders, attempting to restrain me. Humans looked, gawked even, but I didn't care for keeping up the pretense now. My lips curled and I growled low in my chest. With that, I felt a dosage of calm emotion sweep over me. My eyes flew to Jasper, his face stern, with a hint of worry. I tried to shake off the emotion; I didn't want to be calm now. I was _angry._

Angry that Fate had such a cruel sense of humor. Angry that my sister was willing to let my Bella die to have her last chance at humanity. Angry that I had left myself get to this point, of not being so damn careful with Bella. Angry that I had hurt Bella in the worst way.

And, lastly, angry at myself. Always at myself.

As I burned with the fire that I had held back for so long, Rosalie smiled smugly and my hands itched to rip it off her face. Another wave of calm with a healthy dose of lethargy. Jasper was only irritating me.

I glanced at Alice, far from the scene, staring up at me with her big pixie eyes and a pained frown. How could she not see this happen? A little warning would have helped. But I could see there was nothing, her mind was blank as she searched the future. But I didn't want to deal with what that could mean right now.

I looked at Carlisle, wondering how the hell he could bring Rosalie if he knew what she was going to do. He looked apologetic and moved his eyes to Esme. I slowly moved my gaze to my mother, who looked at Bella with concern and love. Ah, so Esme would care for Bella as well while this _horror _grew inside my love - all the while ignorant that it would kill her. I could see it in Esme's mind. She also believed it was a baby.

I never thought I'd reach a point in my existence where I'd wish to be human just so I could be killed as well.

Then ever so gently, my gaze fell upon Bella, looking so sad, frightened and trembling in Rosalie's arms. My anger left me abruptly and I was filled with sorrow. Jasper released me, mostly in surprise by my swift change in moods. He nodded at Emmett, signaling that he could release me as well. Though none of this I noticed, all I saw was Bella's chocolate eyes filling with tears.

_I'm sorry_, she mouthed.

And I sank to my knees before her. She tentatively put a shaking hand on my cheek. I silently begged her with eyes to not torment me like this. There had to be another way. There was always a choice...wasn't there? Please, Bella, I mentally pleaded. _Please! _

Her eyes were so sad. All I could see was she had already made her choice, which I never suspected, never saw it coming, never would have guessed she'd chose an abomination over her own life. But I suppose I should have known. Self-sacrificing and a believer. For I could see now that Bella also believed it was a baby.

I dropped my head and leaned towards her. She placed another hand on my other cheek and whispered her apology aloud. But it didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore.

And I burned.

I took her in my arms and guided her to the car. Carlisle and Esme rode with us. Rosalie sat on the other side of Bella, stroking her hair, asking her various questions about the _fetus._ Rosalie was feeding into Bella's plan of keeping the thing. Encouraging her with thoughts of light blue cribs for a boy and pink lacy dresses if it were a girl. I cringed every time my blonde sister said "the baby". Like it was indeed a biological fact that this thing would be a normal infant when Bella gave birth.

If Bella surviv-. No. I would not finish that thought. There had to be a way to save her!

"And just think, Bella, when it's born! We'll need to get a crib, a rocking chair for you to rock it to sleep, a dresser and, of course, stacks and stacks of diapers. I heard Huggies is a good brand."

My wife merely nodded, her face pale and wan. Then, as if I could predict it, she covered her mouth. The small amount of color that she still held, faded from her cheeks as sickness overtook her.

"Stop the car, Carlisle!" I yelled from the backseat of the Mercedes.

He pulled over from the side of the highway, as all three women burst from the vehicle. I ran to the other side to hold back Bella's hair. Rosalie had beat me to it.

_Sorry, Edward, but you simply must be quicker than that. Bella's body is in a fragile state right now. When she's nauseated, one simply cannot wait. All women have this during the first trimester._

I shuddered. A stream of profanities flew under my breath and Rosalie just glared at me. _You know I'm right, Edward._

"Not quite, Rosalie. She's still _human_," I said to her icily under my breath. Esme looked worried, Carlisle's arm was around her shoulders.

_Edward, we need to get her home. And soon. I need to see exactly what's going on here, run some tests and get a scan on the... fetus._

I looked up at Carlisle. The fire that had been building in me since we left was now skyrocketing. It flamed higher and higher still. Would it ever reach a plateau? Would there ever be a point that Bella's venomous infection stopped?

I knew the answer to that. Of course I did.

Helping my wife back into the car, I heard a murmur of voices, trying to reassure me. Rosalie and Esme's were the loudest. I closed my eyes and tried to tune out all the voices, desperately seeking a way to save her. This thing would have to be removed. There was no other option in my mind. This fetus, this so-called baby, would be a hazard to everyone. Wasn't I choosing the right thing by ridding the world of such a terrible fate? An immortal child?

I shuddered at the thought. I had heard the stories from Tanya and her sisters. They were first-account witnesses to such a unholy monstrosity. Tanya, Kate and Irina knew all too well the consequences of wanting a child in the vampire world. An infant's mind developed slowly compared to a vampire's, their mental faculties were not sophisticated enough to understand their thirst. Something like that cannot be reasoned with and would be detrimental to all.

Imagine a four-year-old becoming quite thirsty and overtaking its preschool teacher. All hell would break loose. Not to mention that the most important rule of this world would be broken: keep the secret.

We pulled into the driveway and Rosalie went to grab for Bella. I snarled at her and took Bella through my side of the vehicle. I could see the stress of the situation taking its toll on her and I refused anyone but myself to attend to her. Shifting Bella to my other hand, I reached into the car for her bag when I noticed my hand was left cold. Or perhaps it had just merely left, absent from my body as her warmth disappeared.

I turned to see Bella making her way to Rosalie, her eyes darting back and forth between myself and my blonde sister.

Damn it all to hell! Bella was scared of me. It happened too late, but she was genuinely scared of what I might do to her. To take care of the situation at hand.

But hadn't I wanted this from the beginning? For Bella to be afraid of me enough to leave? I did want that, since the very first day. I have even expected to happen at any second, when something she sees or hears becomes too much for her and she flees. But not now, not when it was much too late. Too late for any of my mistakes to be corrected.

The days went by endlessly as I burned in my turmoil.

When Carlisle tried to do an ultrasound of the fetus, he couldn't get a reading. The membrane around the fetus was too much like our own skin. And it moved so fast that Bella bit her bottom lip, like she was trying to hold back a scream of pain. I burned.

While trying to find some way to take some amniotic fluid, to run a few more tests, the needle wouldn't penetrate the sac surrounding the unborn monster. Like that area inside her body was already like a vampire . I burned still.

The worst of it was that Alice, my omniscient sister, couldn't see a thing. She sat frustrated on the couch all day, Jasper at her side. She rolled her eyes, trying to concentrate, but all she saw was a blank space. Like a movie reel being cut in various places, she saw nothing. No Bella, no fetus. Just...nothing.

I didn't think I could become even more dead than I already was. It was truth, staring me in the face: Bella was dying and there was nothing I could do about it. She refused to give up the fetus, but believed that she could carry it to term. She had grown quite a bit in size, her fragile body was so bloated and distorted. It wasn't long before I stopped wondering what the creature was doing to her. It was obvious by just looking at her and seeing the bruises every time the thing move inside of her. It was killing her, from the inside out.

Each day was the same and each day only brought her closer to her death.

Yet Carlisle kept trying to figure something out. Alice kept trying to see Bella's future. Rosalie kept trying to encourage Bella's delusion about the "pretty baby". Esme kept trying to cook human food that Bella could eat and hopefully kept down, though she rarely did. Emmett kept trying to support his wife though even he was beginning to see the madness of it all. Jasper was trying to stay away, since the house reeked of human fluids.

And I...wasn't trying at all. I mentally beat myself up every minute of the day while my love lay dying on the couch. I really wasn't helping at all. Whenever I saw her in pain or spot one of the many blossoming bruises on her huge stomach, I would wince and Bella's face would change a sickly gray. I soon learned I had to look away before she could see the torment register on my face. My presence was completely useless. I felt I couldn't save her.

But then, while watching her sleep, I was running over my memories of our beautiful wedding and came to a conclusion. _I'll kill you!_ Yes, kill me, I'd want you to. Jacob Black, the man-child and wolf who had saved Bella's life probably as many times as I had. He could help me. We had a truce once, solely for the sake of saving the woman we both loved. Surely that truce could be renewed now that she was dying.

A plan began to form in my mind and I caressed Bella's cheek. Forgive me, love, please forgive me what must be done. As much as I deplored the idea of another man touching her in the most intimate ways, sacrificing my already shattered ego would be nothing in comparison to allowing Bella to live. But if it was a baby Bella wanted, then that was what she was going to get. I could deny her nothing.

And if Bella died - the thought burned me to my core - then I would follow soon after. I knew Jacob Black would have no problems assisting me. He'd probably enjoy it and Lord knows I deserved no less. I wondered how I could get a message to him, to tell him of my plan.

I didn't have to wonder long.

Jacob Black visited the following day. I knew what he was coming for as he turned onto the hidden drive. His thoughts were murderous, so much that I was both fearful and relieved. Fearful that my family might be involved in a supernatural war with the wolves. Relieved that if Jacob wanted to fight, I would hold him off until Bella was gone.

I heard Jacob's heavy footsteps on the porch outside. My eyes flickered to Bella, then Rosalie. Bella's face was torn between confusion and uncertainty.

"It's Jacob," I replied, not really to her, but to myself. He was here. He would be coming to kill me.

Good.

I heard Jacob conferring with Carlisle at the door. Bella rolled her eyes; even that action looked as if it took every ounce of her fading strength.

"What, are keeping secrets from Jake, too?" she said, her voice shaking near the end.

"No, we just need you to rest. All the stress is not good for the baby," Rosalie said. I sneered at her.

"What? It's not good for _any_ baby, Edward. You should know that. Who has the two medical degrees?"

I shrugged off the comment. No sense in fighting now. We could do that later when she went to hunt. I had no fight left in me now. Not when I was so close to losing Bella.

Jacob stepped into the room, staring incredulously. He could smell for himself her clean, human scent. He glanced at Rosalie, _the blonde bloodsucker_, he called her. On other days, in another time, I would have smirked. Right now, I felt if I smiled, it would certainly kill me. It felt fake, obscenely so, to smile at a time like this. Jacob took a few steps toward me.

_So they were right. She is sick. It wasn't a cover up._

No, it wasn't a cover up. She is ill. And that was putting it as delicately as I could. She was beyond ill. She was on her deathbed. And I was the one that put her there. The self-loathing just kept getting heavier and heavier. Never in my entire existence had I ever felt like destroying myself as much as I did right now. Not when I saw Bella's crumpled body in the ballet studio in Phoenix. Not when I thought she had committed suicide and I ran off to Italy to do the same. Neither of those memories compared to how I felt right now. I felt as if my whole body was lit on fire. Jane's tortuous gaze couldn't compare to this. No, it could never compare.

I watched with a heavy heart as the filthy mongrel kneeled by her, staring across from me with a murderous expression, but still beholding Bella. He was still in love with her, after all this time. And she acted like it was the most wonderful thing that Jacob was here, her chocolate brown eyes warm and loving. I groaned into the afghan Rosalie had swaddled her in, pressing my face to her lap. She stroked my cheek, her normally warm hands were cooler now. Why was she trying to comfort me?

Jacob's thoughts bristled as he knew I was listening to him. Then Bella was standing up and my face sunk back to where she was sitting. I let the fierce burning of my throat try to distract my thoughts as my very pregnant wife showed her best friend why she was so ill.

And audible gasp came from in front of her. Then I heard the thoughts.

_The thing was a monster. Just like its father. I always knew he would kill her._

My head snapped up, all pretenses gone. Jacob had been itching for a way to kill me since I heard his thoughts three miles away from the house. Now, he was furious. Maybe he could stand to be furious a little later when I had a more pressing issue at hand.

"Outside, Jacob," I said gruffly. Bella pleaded with me not to leave, and for Jacob to behave. I told her that I just wanted to speak with him outside. He would come back in one piece. _I wouldn't_, I added in my head.

Past Carlisle at the door, hearing my family's worried thoughts, I walked briskly out the door, off the porch and onto the lawn. I kept walking, hearing Jacob behind me. When I reached far enough that no one else would hear us, I turned to him.

At that moment, all walls were down. I worked hard to not tear away my own stony flesh from my face as my nails dragged across my cheekbones. I knew I needed to hunt, my eyes black. But not from thirst. No, this was much worse. It was from the searing pain, the agony, of watching my wife's life deteriorate right before my eyes. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I tried to open my mouth, to say something to the child in front of me. But nothing would come. Nothing but seeing Bella's dead form behind my eyes. My sister, Alice, couldn't see anything. The only future I could possibly imagine for her now was my family attending Bella's funeral. Lowering her casket down into the earth. It would be a closed-casket ceremony. No one could see the carnage of what that _thing _would do to her when it decided to come out.

"It's killing her, right? She's dying?" he asked, tearing me away from my dark nightmare.

As I heard the rest of his train of thought, he ended with stating where the blame lied. It was my fault, of course. If I hadn't promised to sleep with her before she was changed, this wouldn't have happened. If I had just not gotten so close, if I had only stayed away from the very beginning, since meeting her, _none_ of this would have happened. And Bella would not be dying because of me.

I slumped to my knees, croaking out a garbled 'my fault' at his feet. If he wanted to kill me, as he wished, he could do it right then. He had his chance. I was fair game to him.

But he didn't move a muscle.

He argued with me for a time. I felt like I had been repeating the same story over and over. I had tried to have Carlisle slip her something. To render her unconscious. But Rosalie complicated things. She hovered over Bella like she was the mother and Bella was the daughter. Protecting her like a mother hen to her chicks. It made me angry and question her motive. My sister wasn't exactly what you would call altruistic. Whatever she truly wanted, it always reflected back on her. It was all vanity for Rosalie.

I explained to him when he spoke of turning Rosalie into a jigsaw. Emmett wouldn't allow it. Carlisle would not help with Esme so against it, too. I was stuck. I had no idea that anything like this could happen. There had never been any records of a male vampire mating with a human female before and leaving her alive. We were considered test subjects by all accounts. There was nothing like this ever before.

"Yes, they're out there," I said, answering his question about our kind. "The sadistic ones. The incubus, the succubus. They exist. But the seduction is merely a prelude to the feast... no one survives." I shuddered at that last thought.

I had been so afraid of killing Bella in the middle of making love to her that the very idea of hurting her in any way during that kind of passion made me almost sick. I rejected any road that would lead to my hurting her. I could feel the hate rolling off Jacob and the venomous words spewing from his mind.

"Even you, Jacob Black, cannot hate me as much as I hate myself."

He looked at me with furious eyes. _Wrong,_ he thought.

"Killing me now won't save her," I said quietly to him.

Jacob Black wouldn't care if I was destroyed. Jacob Black would not care if my family was destroyed. All that mattered to him was Bella. My Bella. My beautiful, sweet, caring, innocent, very human wife, Bella.

"Jacob, you have to do something for me."

His flew into a rage, shouting back at me. "The _hell_ I do, parasite!"

I told him if it saved Bella, he would agree to it. All that mattered was her. Nothing, not my family, not my own life (as it were) mattered. As long as she was safe and alive and happy, nothing else would ever matter.

If only I could get him to persuade her... He knew her so well. Better than me, apparently. If he could get her to have even a moment of indecision, that's all I would need. I could have Carlisle (and myself if necessary) remove the thing before it killed her. Then if Bella still wanted children, she could have all the children she wanted. I couldn't offer her anything a living human male could. Even a half-human, half-pup like Jacob. He could... yes. He loved her. If it saved her, he would do it. I was sure of it.

My planned formed rapidly then. The words poured from my mouth as I spoke them. "If it's a child she wants, she can have it. She can have a half a dozen babies," I said, pausing. This would be the hardest part yet.

"She can have puppies, if that's what it takes."

I looked at him square in the eye, knowing he got my meaning. I would let him have her if she wanted children, still. I wouldn't change her. I would relinquish my vows from her and let her be with Jacob if she wished. He could give her the children she desperately wanted without killing her in the process.

He thought I was crazy. Maybe I was. He mentioned the phrase 'stud services' and I didn't even flinch. If sleeping with Jacob Black to have a baby is what would make Bella happiest, then I would let that happen. It didn't matter. She would be alive if she agreed. It didn't matter.

"That won't work!" he growled.

"Maybe not, but what would it hurt? A little pain for her life?" I pleaded with him again. I felt as if I had been doing this for years and not minutes. The agony was so great, so exquisite, that if I needed it, I wouldn't be able to breath.

"The moment Bella's heart stops beating, I will be begging for you to kill me," I said. The pain would be much too great. I could almost feel my world crashing down around me. The one where I worked hard piecing together with Bella as its center. Brick by filthy brick, the walls began crumbling.

"You won't have to beg for long," Jacob said, the snarl still in his voice.

I half-smiled. I counted on him to do just that. It would be all too-easy then.

"Then we have a deal?" I asked, putting out my hand toward him.

He paused a moment, then grasped it carefully.

"We have a deal then."

_Bella, please forgive me. I love you too much to let you die for this monster. Please listen to Jacob. Listen for me. Please,_ I silently prayed as I walked back to the house in silence with my last shred of hope at my side.


	8. Another Method

**Okay, so I've definitely had a hiatus. I guess that's what you call it when you don't write for nearly a month. I could whine and tell you I had a hard time with this chapter and blah, blah, blah. But in reality, I just wanted to take the time to reread what I could of Breaking Dawn again before starting once more. I hear that helps when you're writing a story about Edward's perspective on his marriage, the honeymoon, Bella's pregnancy.... and *cue dramatic music* fatherhood!**

**This chapter is the last of angst before a lovely, fluffy chapter coming up. Just to give you a little hope if all this emotion is bring you down like Jasper in room full of women watching **_**Steel Magnolias.**_

**Shouts to LM Wilson and my beta Segolily for reading over this. Big hugs for the both of you!**

-=-=-=-

Chapter 7: Another Method

From the moment Jacob came back from discussing the "idea" to Bella, I knew it wasn't going to work. I saw his face, torn in frustration. I heard his thoughts, flickering between sadness, anger and something all-consuming—a stabbing pain. That pain, a mere phantom of what I felt when I was gone, tucked in a dingy, dirty attic. Trying to escape those precious chocolate brown eyes I loved more than eternity itself. Yes, Jacob loved her; I couldn't deny it. It was my own damn fault that I pushed her so far into thinking she had to cuddle up to that fleabag for comfort.

And now, even if I hated him, I would do him no harm if he was the reason Bella was safe, healthy and alive. I would not lay one hand against him.. because he was doing so much for me.

The stabbing pain was worse when Jacob and Seth relayed to Emmett, Jasper and myself that Sam's pack was planning an attack on our territory. This would certainly mean war. As if I really needed another complication in my life right now. Fighting off teenager dogs did not help matters either. I would have just had Jazz and Em keep watch, but it was the reason for the attack that made my blood boil. Figuratively, of course.

Sam and his pack considered Bella a threat. She carried an abomination, and while I didn't deny that, I would hurt anyone who came near her, threatening her life. I wanted to scream at everyone to just leave us alone. For once. For once in the godforsaken, rainy town, I wanted to take all this away and believe it was nothing more than a bad dream. A horrendous nightmare that I would wake from.

But it wasn't. Bella was dying. She was dying because I had impregnated her. For the love of all that was holy, wasn't there something that could be done? Anything at all? Between the anger I felt toward myself and the all-encompassing dread, the monitors beeped and Bella's breath hitched unevenly; I was useless. One massive, vampire time bomb... ready to explode.

-=-=-=-

I had been alone for nearly a century. A century of knowledge, of historical events in the human world. A century of believing that only myself, and myself alone, was enough. I needed no companionship; what was the purpose? Of course, I had no idea what I had been missing. I had began searching, probably since after my rebellious period, for something to fulfill me. That made me whole.

It began with my piano, using it as a tool to quell my consciousness. Of the evil I had done. Then it went to cars. Those beautiful human machines, much better than horses. Then it was philosophy and modern languages. I found I was a quick study in Portuguese and the Latin languages. Who knew that they would be handy one day in the distant future?

_Ah... Portuguese._ That brought to mind Brazil. Which led me to Isle Esme, my honeymoon with my wife. Which led back to the very thing I fought to gain composure over every single second of the day. Bella's unexpected pregnancy.

My beautiful, _very human_ wife was now impregnated with my venomous seed. She was carrying my... _fetus_. I could never say the word 'child' and bridled every time Bella or Rosalie said it. Even Esme was tentatively dreamy-eyed every time she saw Bella, fearing both the good and bad of the consequences of our actions.

As for myself, I shouldn't have expected anything less from an inhuman, monstrous creature like myself.. I was eternally damned and now I had brought Bella into my black hell with me. An angel burning alongside her devilish lover.

What a pair we made.

I will never regret loving Bella. Not after my mistake last spring, when I fled to Italy. No, I would never forgive myself for that, but I could make it up to her. That's why I proposed. In between general self-loathing sessions, I made plans to ask Bella to marry me. To grant me the highest honor and let me be her husband. I had fantasized when she slept at night, lying next to her without any distractions, my mother's wedding ring on her finger. Of course, there were other things that we would be doing other than sleeping, but I had also factored in her change.

At the time, I was making the necessary arrangements for her change. I would marry her, come hell or high water, and I would take her to the little coastal island, just off Brazil. It was an island of Carlisle and Esme's anniversary some odd decades ago; they graciously let me use it for our honeymoon. I wanted Bella to feel the sun, the heat, one last time. Before she became like me.

We would honeymoon, as close to a normal newlywed couple as possible, and then I would bring her back home for her change. Carlisle and I had already been stocking blood bags in the garage refrigerator for her, and all the preparations were made for that last terrible act. Of course, she would be a newborn. And nothing else would be on her mind other than the infernal thirst. But I could wait. I could be very patient when I wanted to be. If I could only show her how much becoming her husband meant to me, than I could allow myself to commit the greatest sin and stop her breath, her heart, for eternity.

It may have been a lopsided trade, but I was willing to make it. For her, always for her.

So the days went on, hour after agonizing hour. Watching the creature inside my Bella move and grow. It was like watching that awful science-fiction movie with Sigourney Weaver. I half expected for the creature to burst from my beloved's womb, thrashing and hideous. A monster.

_Just like its father_. The words resonated in me every day. Every day that I looked into Bella's eyes and saw what I would swear was fear, hidden. She was very good at keeping up appearances, to hide uncomfortable things inside. I was a monster for letting this happen to her. A monster for for even being with her.

It had been a few days since my encounter, and subsequent promise, with Jacob Black. He had kept his word, and tried to have Bella change her mind. _One moment of indecision was all I needed_, was what I had said. Just one moment for Bella to pause, to even consider the offer presented for her. And, if she so chose, to have a baby with that human child.

I fought for composure, knowing his thoughts. He was around every day, checking on her. Making sure she was still human. Still alive. But at the same time, I could understand. A little. He wanted to get over her, to stop his own hurting. As selfish as I felt that was, I understood. There were so many things he thought about every day. I read his mind, as well as Seth's and Leah's. With Seth, I was at peace nearly all the time. His thoughts were so pure and innocent. He truly loved being in the pack, especially with Jacob as the alpha, with thought of him as an older brother. It was sweet, really. If I had had a brother, I would have liked for him to be like Seth.

Leah, on the other hand, was a different story. She was... difficult, to say the least. Without being too crass, she was a bitch. And I mean that in the truest essence of the word. She was a female of the canine species after all, in this case. Every derivative, every description of the term immediately brought up Leah. And yet, I could not help but think of a few correlations between Leah and my sister, Rosalie. Both had the same single-minded determination and the will to do anything to get what they wanted. It was a quality that was both admirable and obnoxious.

As I had heard from her mind, and Jacob's as he came in the door later, that Leah felt she was a genetic failure. Yes, she came from an incredible lineage of wolves, the calling for the highest in respect toward her heritage. But her female identity, as she knew it, was lost. She didn't... act feminine... as she described it to Jacob. I had seen his mental grimace.

Try hearing it every day for nearly a century, from every woman coming and going and then we would talk, dog.

"Edward", a soft croak called. My reveries were cut short to attending to Bella. I kept my face carefully masked as I took her hand lovingly in mine, rubbing my thumb in soothing circles. Her face, beautiful even in this state, was scrunched up in pain, fighting to pretend it was nothing at all.

Rosalie leaned over from her perch on the back of the sofa. I shifted over Bella, placing my hand against her forehead, then bringing my lips to that spot. Her skin was hot; she must be running a fever. Sweat rolled in fat droplets down her neck, and across her chest, soaking her t-shirt. Suddenly, her eyes pinched and she gritted her teeth.

I sprung into action. I wrenched the blanket away from Bella's stomach to find large, purple-black bruises forming over her abdomen, from just below her breasts reaching to her pelvis. I mistakenly let out a low growl.

Bella didn't say anything. But Rosalie did.

"Edward, really, there is no need for that. Babies have been known to make bruises appear on their mothers from the inside out. It just means the baby is healthy," she said, her tone smug. I snorted, and lifted Bella into my arms, rushing her upstairs. Carlisle was there, in his study. It had also been turned into a makeshift emergency room.

After an hour, Carlisle concluded that she only had bruising and no major breaks. I didn't have to know what he was thinking to come to the realization that things would only get progressively worse. And faster than any normal pregnancy would be.

For the thousandth time since our departure from Isle Esme, I wished with all that was within me to wake up from this awful nightmare. For if Bella would... die... her blood would be on my hands. I, after all this time, would be the cause of her death. And that fact alone was enough to knock the wind of out me, leaving me gasping.

Contemplating something else that could save her, I brought Bella back downstairs. I gave her water (even if she just vomited it again), checking her temperature, watching her life drain from her. I had searched every book, every text, every piece of information I could get my hands on about this situation and nothing concluded otherwise. Other than Bella's... death. I deserved hell and all its damnation for what I had done. There was no way around it now.

-=-=-=-

Bella's condition didn't change. I should have gone hunting today, but I couldn't find it in myself to leave her side. There was no way I could spare one moment, even however brief, just to satiate my thirst. She was more important than my revolting need.

She just grew gradually worse each minute. Like the thing that was inside was draining her of all her life, the very essence. It was destroying her body, much like I had promised to destroy her soul. It was only a matter of time... I burned, harsher and more painful at that future.

Her breathing was labored, hitching in all the wrong ways. I remember only a few short days ago where her breath hitched in ways I fought to hear again. Ways that made me tingle from the crown of my head to the balls of my feet. I remembered, lovingly, every second of that first night on Isle Esme, of our wedding night. The way her hips curved into mine, her soft skin luscious against my lips, the sweetness that her blood took on as she became aroused. It was more exquisite than anything I had ever experienced, and to know that it was her first time, too, made it all the more beautiful in my eyes.

That was, until, I marred it. I shuddered, remembering the dawn's faded light that cascaded over her frame, clutched to my bare chest. The long, angry red marks that trailed her back and the bruises covering her arms; my hands the exact measurements of those filthy bruises.

I stayed inside, thinking of something, anything to remove my wife and I from this hell we had found ourselves in, when I heard Jacob coming.

"Carlisle?" I called my comrade.

"Yes, Edward?" His voice was weary and concerned.

"Jacob is coming, and he is in his human form."

With that, he was downstairs. He opened the door to greet the wolf-child.

I heard their conversation outside, talking back and forth, asking questions. Most of it I filtered out of my brain. I knew all of what Carlisle was saying about the fetus. All about what it was doing to Bella. Nothing new there. But then, suddenly, Jacob brought an interesting point. One I hadn't thought of yet. Where I had been burning only moments before, this new point was like cold water, dousing over the flame.

Carlisle had studied our kind for centuries. His knowledge on vampiric nature was almost endless. There were thousands of aspects that he covered, hundreds of 'what-if' cases in the past handfuls of decades. Our genealogy was so different than that of a human. We were so different, yet alike in many ways. There was never a way to tell if one could mate with the other.

Not until Bella and I, anyway. Not until we decided to defy all logic and be together. A vampire's chromosomal count was 25 pairs. A human's was 23 pairs. I thought that there was such a difference that it would be impossible to mate.

But mate we did. And now, there was real proof that our chromosome count did nothing to squelch the power of nature herself. The reminder of that fateful union was eating and gnawing its way through my wife from the inside out. Killing her, like the murderer it was...

Murderer... sucking the life from her... _OF COURSE_!

Why hadn't I thought of it before? How was it that Jacob could see what the fetus needed before I could? Before Carlisle? I thought, maybe, that the fetus and I had more in common that I originally realized. I needed blood to survive, as did it.

I swiftly stood up, a sliver of hope breaking through the gloom. If could somehow get the fetus the nourishment it needed, Bella would not die.

"I will be right back, Bella. I want to speak to Carlisle for a moment. Actually, Rosalie, would you mind accompanying me?" I tucked the blanket around Bella, as I I moved quickly from the front room to the door.

"What is it, Edward?" Bella croaked, still pretending to be a tough soldier through this whole ordeal.

"Nothing you need to worry about, love. It will just take a second. Please, Rose?"

Rose followed me, calling over her shoulder for Esme.

"Esme?" Rosalie called, turning toward the staircase. "Can you mind Bella for me? "

"Of course," Esme replied, only too happy to stead her watch over Bella. She smiled speculatively, and Bella faintly smiled back. If only this could work. It should work. It simply _had_ to work!

My plan was taking shape quickly. Could I feed her intravenously again? She would hate that, and most likely smell all wrong, but would it work? Or would we have to do it the old-fashioned way?

"Carlisle," I began, lowering my voice to above a whisper, so that Rosalie, he and Jacob could only hear.

"What is it, Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"Perhaps we've been going about this the wrong way," I began, my mind running a mile a minute. "I was listening to you and Jacob just now and when you were speaking of what the... fetus... wants, Jacob had an interesting thought." I was reeling, finely-tuning my plan, my hypothesis, as I spoke.

"Me?" the dog asked. His face was incredulous. _Doubt that, leech._

"We hadn't actually addressed _that_ angle. We've been trying to get Bella what she needs, and her body is accepting it about as well as one of ours would. Perhaps we should address the needs of the fetus first. Maybe if we can satisfy it, we will be able to help her more effectively." I let a ghost of a grin escape my lips, proving the logic Jacob and I had at this moment. I would owe him so much if this worked.

"I'm not following you, Edward," Carlisle said. _What do you mean by satisfying it?_ His mental note seemed superfluous. Did he really not see what had been in front of us all this time?

"Think about it, Carlisle. If that creature is more vampire than human, can't you guess what it craves? What it's not getting? Jacob did."

His face was befuddled, before realization broke over. Eyes wide, he spoke again.

"Oh! You think that it is... thirsty?"

"Oh course!" Rosalie hissed next to me. "Carlisle? Don't we have all that Type-O Negative laid aside for Bella? It's a good idea!" I sighed softly. Rosalie would be on board with me, for that one thing, I could be thankful for.

"Hmmm.... but how should we administer it?" _Intravenously?_ His mind perked at that. He could set her up quickly with the blood bags and an IV...

"No, we have no time to be creative. I say we stick with the traditional way," said Rosalie. Of course. Anything to help my dear wife and the... fetus. Anything to get her what she wanted.

"Are you, are you saying that Bella should drink blood?" said Jacob. Thoughts of a silent horror film played in his mind, with Nosferatu drinking from a young woman. "That's just—"

"Monstrous? Repulsive?" I quipped, knowing that was where his thoughts lied. The same exact adjectives I would use to describe myself.

"Pretty much." I knew Jacob wouldn't like this, but he had brought it up. Certainly this was the method to save her.

"But what if it helps her?" I said, my tone soft, persuasive. He couldn't deny helping Bella. She was his weakness. As she was mine.

"What are you going to do? Shove a tube down her throat?" Maybe. If that's what it takes and I could put Bella asleep long enough to intubate her.

"I plan to ask her what she thinks. I just wanted to run it by Carlisle first," I said, backpedaling slightly. Of course I would ask Bella, but I knew she would agree anyway, so it was a moot point. Anything to help the fetus would be her life preserver.

At least, for now it would.

_Who would have thought the ice cold Barbie had a maternal side? I bet she would jam the tube down Bella's throat herself..._

I mashed my lips tightly. Of course, absentmindedly answering Jacob's unspoken thought. Yes, Rosalie would do anything for a child. We had all seen it in her eyes as she had first told us of her human life ages ago. Now, with that glimmer of a hope of a chance to be a mother, she relished it and clung to it with all ten fingers and toes. It was all about her.

And nothing about my dying, human wife, who was, in turn, ready to die for what she believed was a baby.

We gathered together, near the white sofa, watching Bella warily. Of course, I couldn't be positive this would work, but it was the only thing that made sense right now. If that fetus was anything like its father, it needed only one thing to physically survive. Rosalie scooted past and curled near Bella's head, perched on the sofa arm. Jacob still stood behind us all. Far from the smell, I assumed; I admit I hadn't gotten used to the stench either.

"Jacob had an idea that might help you," Carlisle began, cautiously, watching Bella's movement. "it won't be pleasant, but—"

"But it will help the baby," Rosalie cooed. Disgusting."We've thought of a better way to feed him, maybe."

"Not pleasant?" Bella whispered, her voice so hoarse. "Gosh, that'll be such a change." Just like my Bella. Making a joke of the situation.

I stepped aside Rosalie and tenderly grasped Bella's cool hand in mine. She was so weak, paling every minute. This just had to work! I _would_ not lose her.

"Bella, love, we're going to ask you to do something monstrous. Repulsive," I spoke, the words burning in my throat. Like before, these were words I would have described myself and it only seemed apt that I should use it to describe the growing monster.

"How bad?" Bella asked, her breathing coming in short gasps. I could hear how hard her heart was working just to make that simple function.

"We think the fetus might have an appetite closer to ours than yours. We think its thirsty."

"Oh, oh!" she said.

"Your condition, both of your conditions, are deteriorating rapidly. We don't have time to waste. To come up with more palpable ways to do this," Carlisle said, tactfully putting what I couldn't. Bella would need to drink blood to in order to survive. It was as if she was practicing for her conversion later. I felt myself grow cold. Even I knew how this would all end. If it was a good ending, she would be changed.

If it was a bad ending... well, I know what I could look forward to. Jacob would be all too obliged to help me with that ending.

"The fastest way to test that theory—"

"I've got to drink it," she finished, the light in her eyes glowing somewhat. As if she knew this would help save the fetus in some way, she would do it. Bella's actions were exactly as I predicted this time. "I can do that. Practice for the future, right?"

"So, who's going to catch me a grizzly bear?" she asked. As if her easing of the tension could be helped with a jab toward our diet. I exchanged a quick glance with Carlisle. _Straight from a cup, then?_

"What?" she whispered to us.

"It will be a more effective test if we don't cut corners, Bella. If the fetus is craving blood, it's not craving animal blood."

"Who?" she said, alarmed. Her glance went to Jacob. I wanted to agree with her then, but, if this didn't turn out so well, I would need that filthy dog later.

"I'm not here as a donor, Bells," Jacob said, his tone gruff. "'Sides, its human blood that thing's after. And I don't think mine applies."

"We have blood on hand," Rosalie said, reassuring her. Like it would be a cake walk or something.

"Well, I'm starving," Bella said, running her pale, translucent hand across her swollen belly again. "So I'll bet he is, too. Let's go for it. My first vampire act."

-=-=-=-

I heard a mental note from Alice, coming from the attic. _I'm taking Jasper for a hunt while Bella drinks_, she said, her mental anguish apparent. I didn't think less of her for it; she couldn't see anything and had been frustrated for days now. And my brother was on edge every moment. Add fresh human blood in the house and that was trouble waiting to happen. I heard her flit off, down the outside of the house by the roof and chimney, Jasper's boots muted above us.

Rosalie dashed into the kitchen. I heard her murmur something about wanting to ask Bella about the baby's room color, on whether it should be the traditional blue for a boy or pink for a girl. Or, if we wouldn't know, if pastel yellows and greens were okay with her.

I snarled under my breath so low I doubted anyone could hear me. The scent of human blood began to heat up, intensifying that delicious O Negative. Of course, I had abstained for years from human blood. But it never ceased to amaze me how my mouth began to pool with venom, my muscles tighten, just as the mere scent of it. It was sickening.

A clear, crystal glass came into my mind, with Rosalie's hand in the cupboard, reaching for it. _Maybe I should serve it to her in the tall one. More for the baby..._

"Not clear, Rosalie," I growled, rolling my eyes. Wouldn't she ever learn how much Bella can't even stand the smell of blood? How she nearly faints at the sight of it? Besides, I didn't want her to have to think about what she was doing any more than absolutely necessary. If she had to do this, which I loathed for her, I wanted to be the under the easiest circumstances I could make.

Bella was speaking to Jacob again, asking questions about how he had come up with this plan. I had figured it out nearly as fast as that dog, but he came to the conclusion first. Either way, I knew with this sheer possibility of the fetus needing blood that Bella might survive. Without my permission, hope began to replant itself in my heart.

"Don't blame me. Your vampire was just picking snide comments out of my head."

They talked longer, while Rose stirred the cup in the next room. It was nearly above room temperature; she had let it cool enough for Bella to drink. If it was warm, it would go down easier. Distracted, I heard my name spoken. I had been too busy with caressing Bella's pale hand that I hadn't really caught the gist of the conversation. I picked up what was said from the comments in Jacob's mind. I merely shrugged my shoulders. I didn't feel quite like speaking right now. There was so much to think about, to plan at the moment.

Then Rosalie appeared, the plastic cup, complete with a bendi straw, was in hand. She handed it to Carlisle, and resumed her perch above Bella's head. I tightened my grip on Bella's hand fractionally, reaching with my other hand to brush away a stray lock from her forehead. Jacob just stared on.

_Perhaps there might be another method to do this?_ Carlisle mentioned, shooting a brief look to me. I shook my head once. No, there wasn't another way. This would be it. The final straw.

Scooting her in the seat, to sit up, Rose and I took great care to lift Bella and place her in a more conventional seating position. Carlisle, his eyes troubled, but face smooth. Years of practice in medicine gave you a poker face like that. I wish I were able to emulate him more. Especially when Bella began sniffing the cup, flinching.

If there was a time I felt the physical need to vomit, it was now. Her delicate face turned up in such a fashion, I knew she was revolted. How could she not be? She was about to do something despicable. Hideous. Monstrous. I grew cold just watching her try to bring the straw to her lips.

"Bella, sweetheart, we can find an easier way," I urged, holding my hand out to take the plastic cup away. Far away.

"No, it's just that... it smells _good,_" she croaked, the look on her face I recognized only as guilt.

I watched as my wife brought the straw to her lips and sipped. Her lips are instantly slightly more rosy than they were a moment ago. It might work. I heard Jacob's mental grimace at this newfound revelation.

But when she moans, my heart sinks. Alert, I stepped forward, to wrench the cup away, Jacob standing, too. Cautiously, I cupped her cheek, brushing my thumb across her cheekbone. My throat constricted, hot with heat.

And it wasn't because of the Type O Negative in the room.

"Bella, love..." But she shakes her head.

"I'm okay," she said, looking up at me with hurt and something that looked like guilt in her eyes. "It tastes good, too."

Rosalie's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "That's good! A good sign!" Of course, she would be happy that it was working. Anything to get her precious child. But my Bella was the one to suffer. The one to carry this pain and turmoil. It wasn't right nor fair. What deity in their right mind would allow such a thing to happen to an innocent creature like her?

I stopped short, knowing my answer. It wasn't anyone's fault but mine. I put her in this mess, and I would get her out of it. If it was the last thing I'd do.

Carlisle asked her questions, looking for her normal signs of fainting, nausea or the related symptoms. She denied everything, of course, and took another gulp down. Suddenly, she turned to me with wide, expressive eyes. These I could read without hesitation. Bella was upset.

"Does this screw my total? Or do we have to start counting after I'm a vampire?"

Of course Bella would be worried about her indiscretions. Earlier in the summer, Emmett and Jasper had made a bet as to how many people Bella might murder during her newborn phase. Jasper bet high, thinking she would be bloodthirsty as can be.

"No one's counting, Bella. In any case, no one has died because of this." Smiling a lifeless smile. I couldn't bring myself to feel that hope that had been planted minutes ago. It would be foolhardy to think that it was possible that Bella might live. Hope died the night I found out she was pregnant and I refused to let it grow.

That was, until now.

_They'd lost me. _Jacob's mental silence about that was almost amusing. "I'll explain later," I said in low tones, out of Bella's hearing. But somehow, she caught that.

"What was that?" she asked, her eyes staring gloriously into mine.

"Nothing, just talking to myself," I lied, smoothly and without hitch.

_If this worked, if Bella lived, he wasn't going to get away with so much when her senses were as sharp as his. _I twitched. Yes, I would likely need to be a bit more careful around her then. If she lived, that is. And I remembered this wasn't a sure plan. Bella could still very well die from this. And the burning sensation returned, the flames licked at the small seed of hope that had been planted with this alternate method.

_...they probably were having a tough time not ripping the cup from her hand..._

I rolled my eyes at the absurdity. As if that dog thought so little of our self-control. He was one to talk.

Bella said a confident "I did it," sounding very pleased with herself for drinking human blood. As if it were something to be proud about. She was gaining strength. Her cheeks were less pale, blood pooling in them again. Her eyes were slightly brighter, the skin on her neck, shoulders and arms becoming less pale and bone-like. That familiar burning sensation lessened slightly, as a ghost of hope threatened my mind. Oh, how badly I wanted to hope for her!

"Would you like some more?" Rosalie said. _I could fill the cup up and have some more on standby... _I shot a glare at Rosalie. She returned it, brushing Bella's hair away from her face, placing her hand against Bella's cheek. Damn Rosalie and damn her vanity.

Bella's shoulders slumped. "You don't have to drink more right away," I said quickly, still shooting daggers at my sister.

A silence permeated the room before Bella spoke.

"Yeah, I know. But I want to."

Hours went by, with false alarms, trips to the bathroom for human moments, and a couple of cups of O Negative later. Watching the tubes in her arms. The IV trickling down. When Carlisle asked her about real food, if she was hungry (and against Rosalie's obvious protest), she blushed and answered. How I had missed her blush.

"Is there anything that particularly appeals to you?"

"Eggs," Bella said quickly. I exchanged a look with her, remembering all those omelets and fried eggs I made for her on our honeymoon. It was indeed a strange thing the cravings of human women.

Bella commented on Jacob's ragged appearance again, and I offered our accommodations here in the house. He replied a husky "sure, sure". I promised him that if the need arose, I would find him.

_He better. Bloodsucker owed me._

He had no idea how much I owed him. I was going to ask the last thing I could of him soon enough. I just wasn't exactly sure how I could bring it up. But with time running out and Bella's pregnancy farther along, there wasn't much time left for pleasantries.

I needed to ask Jacob for permission to save Bella's life in the only way I knew I could.

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_**Okay, guys, you know what to do: push that button below and leave a glorious review! Puh-lease! It makes Edward less sad when you do.**_


	9. Not A Monster Teaser

_Okay, so this is the teaser for the next chapter of Consummation. I know I have seemingly slipped into a schedule of 1 month updates. I apologize for this. Things have been chaotic in real life and I am not really working from a hard copy of the book. I have BD on audio and so I have to listen for certain cues, looking up passages. It's difficult to just sit down and listen. It's a process. ;)_

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"A blond's brain cells die alone," he chortled, laughing more at Rosalie's annoyance than anything. Normally, I would agree to this behavior, but I had other things on my mind.

"I have killed a thousand times more often than you have, you disgusting beast. Don't forget that," she stated, nearly spitting. _Stupid, moronic dog gets on my last nerve! And I thought the stench was awful..._

Bella was telling Jacob to stop getting on Rosalie's nerves. He could get on her very last nerve for all I cared. Then Jacob made mention of leaving. I held an unneeded breath, waiting for her answer. Of course, I knew what she would say already.

The answer was no. Every damn time, it was no. I wish there was someway to rid him, but it would make her unhappy. And I vowed to never make her unhappy again. At least, for the few short days we had left together.

Bella asked Rosalie for more blood, my sister rushing upstairs. Then, that buzzing that I had been hearing the past two days became louder suddenly. Like the volume had been turned up and I could make out something. I glanced over at Jacob, then Bella.

"Did you say something?" politely asking, wondering if what I heard was correct.

I turned to Bella, questioning her with my eyes.

"Me?" she asked, disbelieving. "I didn't say anything."

Carefully, I moved until I was over her. The buzzing, the whisper, got louder. I could almost make out the words.

"What are you thinking about right now?" I prodded her. There was no way I could actually hear her mental voice. Not now. It was... coming from somewhere else.

_Can't hurt her. I won't hurt her._

I could not believe what I was hearing. It was soft, just above a whisper, but still there. And it was coming from Bella. My first instinct was that I was hearing Bella's voice, but when I asked if she had said anything, she just mentioned Isle Esme... and the feathers.

"Say something else," I asked, quietly.

"Like what, Edward?" Bella was frustrated with my behavior, but was more appalled at what I was doing just now.

I gasped. No... there was no way... it wasn't even possible. Cautiously, and with all eyes on me, I gently placed both my hands on Bella's round womb.

The fe--... he... the _baby_," I choked on the last word. "Likes the sound of your voice."

My mind went into overdrive, as Bella shrieked, making the baby jump in her womb.

A beat of total silence, followed by: "Holy CROW! You can hear him!" Bella shouted, then winced.

"Shh... you startled it—him." She patted her round belly, offering a 'sorry, baby' to him. I strained my neck over her, careful not to be too close in case my cold body would make he or she react.

"What's he saying now?"

_Momma... she's happy. I love my Momma. I don't want to hurt her anymore, so I will try to be very careful._

"It... he or she...," I paused. I wasn't prepared for this. Not at all. I didn't know it would truly be a child. "... he's happy."

The fetus had a voice. And it was... astute. It didn't want to hurt her anymore than any of us did. It was _trying_ not to hurt her from the inside, doing its best to stay a stationary as possible. I could almost feel through the thin membrane of Bella's skin the hands pressing against my cold hand through her womb.

And it... _was_ a baby. A thinking, feeling, breathing creature. A sentient being, capable of rational thought to the point of avoiding heartache and pain toward its mother. Despite the awkward pregnancy.

And something in me surged to a new level. The sorrow that I had been experiencing the past few weeks dissipated into a beautiful new feeling. An all-encompassing love filled me from head to toe. I understood now what Bella had been right about all along. It was a child. _Our_ child, I marveled.

I was going to be a father.

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_Look for the new chapter coming in the next week!_


	10. Not A Monster

Chapter 8: Not A Monster

_This chapter has been a long time coming, and with valuable input from friends, I can safely say this will be nearing the end. I have decided to not continue past Bella's transformation. So many have written that and I really want to sift through Edward's mind about Bella's pregnancy. Metamorphosis by LivesAmongTheStars is a great one. You guys are amazing, though. Thank you for reading, adding this to your favorites, watch lists, whatever. I really, really appreciate it!  
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_I dedicate this chapter to several lovely ladies: Segolily, L.M. Wilson, Camilla and Books. You guys are made of many levels of awesome and deserves so much more. Thanks, you guys._

_Plan: Two more chapters, to wrap up nicely. Then a break._

_Music: Teenagers by My Chemical Romance, Storm by Lifehouse, and Panic Attack by Dream Theater._

=-=-=-=-=-=-=

The past few weeks have been the most beautiful of my existence. Marrying Bella was the only thing on my mind. How to sneak peeks at her in Alice's mind, to perchance, see my beautiful fiancée in white. How to find ways to stay with Bella longer than necessary, longer than what was gentlemanly of me, just to feel her skin underneath mine a little longer. How I longed to simply be closer to her any way, shape or form, without piercing her precious, silky neck.

I longed for her to be my wife and, if I was being honest with myself, longed to make her mine in all the ways that counted toward a man.

True, I had waited over a century. That was nothing. No one had turned my head like she had. Sure, I had had offers in the past, but nothing compared to her beauty. Nothing in this world could compare to her, I was sure of it. I would never want another for eternity.

Another day was approaching. A day that I didn't long for, but fought against with my entire being. The day that the creature would tear from Bella's womb and wreak havoc, destroying its mother in the process. I grew sick, wishing I was human long enough to vomit. Anything to remove the pit in my stomach that hadn't held anything in nearly one hundred years.

=-=-=-=-==-=

_My thoughts were relatively calm as I heard Rosalie and Alice chattering away about their latest shopping excursion. They had taken a flight to Paris, shopped over the weekend, and came back tonight. And apparently, both Rosalie and Alice were keeping their thoughts hidden from me._

_I met them at the door._

"_So, sisters, how was the shopping trip?" I asked, leaning casually against the door frame as Rosalie and Alice carried their multitude of bags from Alice's yellow Porsche. The bags were in light pinks, reds and golds, with a few smaller white bags tucked here and there. Each read names of famous French designers: Dolce & Gabbana, Eres, Aubade, Guia La Bruna_ _, and, interestingly enough: Swan. Very clever._

_Rosalie's face looked smug; she knew exactly she was holding and yet wasn't going to show me. Which, of course, kept me _very_ curious._

"_No, I'm not telling you what's in the bags, Edward" Alice said, glancing in my direction from her pace into the house, up the stairs and into her and Jasper's bedroom. Rosalie followed close behind._

"_That's right, my dear brother. Alice and I spent a great deal to," she began, sending a knowing glance in Alice's direction. Both of them sniggered. "make your honeymoon as interesting as possible."_

_Of course. My mind could think of only one thing when it came to my dear sisters, my Bella and our honeymoon in the same sentence: lingerie._

_In my time, as far as I recalled, lingerie consisted of bloomers, corsets and petticoats. Nowadays, lingerie left little the imagination. And as far as French designer lingerie.... well, there was no telling my sister 'No' and no telling what my bride and I had in store._

_I gulped, not needing it, but the same feeling applied. Alice and Rosalie burst into giggles again, their thoughts drifting in and out of their own bedroom romps. I rolled my eyes and decided it was time to see Bella._

_After all, I was a gentleman and all this talk of lingerie was making me uncomfortable._

_Uncomfortable from the anticipation, that is._

_=-=-=-=-=-=-=_

On the night of my bachelor party, my brothers insisted I go. I was in no particular mood to celebrate the leaving of my bachelor days; no, I look forward to my days as a married man to my wife. And the night before was of no exception. I stayed at Bella's house, Charlie was fast asleep in the next room. I wrapped her tightly in her favorite quilt, one that she said her Grandma had knitted for her long ago. She was warm, flustered and smelled exquisite.

We had been 'practicing' as she called it, for the honeymoon, and that night was so lovely. Locked in her loving embrace, placing delicate kisses on her cheeks, shoulders, collarbone. Lingering near her throat, taking in her aroma. It was heavenly. I couldn't imagine anything better than this.

Well, except for what the next night would bring. I looked forward to that more than I let on. I didn't want to scare her, but in reality, I had waited over ninety years for this woman. This beautiful, pure woman. And I had a lot of love stored for her and only her. The things I would do with her, for her.... my mind raced nearly faster than I could hold the images flooding my mind. It was almost sinful.

But in such a good way.

I turned my thoughts back from the honeymoon to the present. Carlisle and Esme were facing the river, in the den. Carlisle whispered something to Esme. I'm sure I could hear it, but I wasn't really paying attention to catch the words. Esme's face, my mother's face, turned up in something between an expression of sorrow and muted delight. The look of a wary grandmother hoping for a smooth pregnancy for her daughter-in-law, I picked out from Carlisle's head. Even _he_ was looking a little less concerned of the situation, now that the fetus was getting what it wanted.

Bella did drink it. She drank quite a number of bags that afternoon, probably to make up for the days past. She did, however vomit some back up a few times, which made me grow alarmed. Carlisle figured it was a reaction because she was still human and she couldn't tolerate blood like she would if she was a vampire. Needless to say, I watched over her vigilantly.

I hadn't heard from Jasper, Emmett and Alice for a while. They were most likely upstairs, away from the scent, the human fluids. Jasper still was having trouble adjusting, as I figured. I used to think he would never be able to adjust, but after the past two years with Bella, hell the past three days with Bella, nothing seemed impossible anymore.

Jacob visited again. He spoke a little to Bella, noting how cold she was. I kept more blankets on hand and wrapped her up immediately, keeping her swathed like a cocoon. Rosalie scrunched up her nose in disgust at Jacob's entrance but said nothing, aimlessly flipping through the channels on the television. Bella's head was at the far end of the couch, and her sock feet in my lap. I carefully rubbed them, feeling how her feet had swollen some. Esme told me that it was common for the mother to have swollen feet, mostly due to the weight and water gain. So, like the good husband I pretended to be, I rubbed her swollen, aching, human feet.

Truly, if I was a good husband to Bella, she wouldn't be in this situation. We would have known about this possibility and I would have never consented to consummating our relationship before she was changed.

But, fact was, there was nothing I could do about it. The burning man returned again.

Bella and Jacob chattered back and forth, avoiding the proverbial elephant in the room.

I smiled at Jacob. Bella's face broke like the morning dawn, and I felt that inner twinge of jealousy. I agreed with Jacob's thoughts. I knew Bella loved me, beyond all reason apparently, beyond sanity, but here she was, beaming like... like she still loved him. It was foolish of me to think that somehow asking her to marry me would remove all former affections for that dog. But, as I stared into Bella's eyes, I saw something I hadn't before. She was looking at Jacob, but it was like the light that flickered in her eyes was deeper somehow. Like it didn't exactly come from her, but from something else. So strange...

I had heard most of the conversation between Jacob and his pack. He was becoming increasingly at ease with Leah and Seth, but he was still wound tightly like a coil. I was afraid he would snap and I didn't want him anywhere near Bella when that happened. She told him to get some sleep. Her voice was so strong, so much healthier.

"You look dead tired, Jake," she mentioned, motioning with her arm toward the armchair in the corner of the room.

Jacob rolled his eyes at Bella and I watched as Jacob counted aloud, trying to prove her wrong.

"Where's the flood, mutt?" Rosalie piped up, her eyes never leaving the screen. _Such dry wit, Rose._

"You know how you drown a blonde, Rosalie? Glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool."

I chuckled. There were dozens of blonde jokes and jabs through the years for her, but right now, I think I just might tolerate Jacob more. Now that he was taunting my sister.

"I've already heard that one!

Jacob turned to leave, reaching for the door and was out on the lawn. Rosalie said something getting up to wash the stink out and left for the upstairs bathroom.

_And don't go doing anything you'll regret, Edward. You agreed to stay still as long as Bella is well._

In truth, I did agree to not begging Bella to get rid of it anymore. But if there was some way that Bella could see that this thing was killing her... was going to take her away from me, maybe she might concede. There just had to be a way.

But for now, as promised (and a gentleman always keeps his promises), I stayed with Bella on the sofa, wrapping the afghan around her, then my myself as well.

I reached out to Bella, cupping her warm cheek with my hand. Her temperature had went up. Perhaps my coolness would do her good. She blushed and smiled. And I pulled out what I thought was a smile, too. It wasn't genuine, but I hoped it worked for her. Anything to keep her happy, healthy and alive.

I watched her twirl her wedding band around on the chain around her neck. She had gained weight and her fingers and toes swelled. Her engagement ring and wedding band didn't fit anymore, so I took the liberty of giving her a silver chain to string them both on. I would do the same, so we would match, but I actually loved seeing that glimmering band on my own finger.

I didn't have a penchant for such frivolous trinkets and jewelry but this, the groom's band, made me feel a part of her somehow. To know that she was mine, and, undoubtedly, I was hers forever.

I continued to stroke her cheek, caressing her face with butterfly kisses. She sighed and rubbed her stomach every once in a while. We sat there, like during our honeymoon, just simply being in each other's company.

"Edward," she spoke softly, just above a whisper. "I love you so much."

I looked into those precious chocolate pools of eyes. Always sure, always loving, always Bella.

"I love you, too, Bella."

She turned back around, reached her little hand behind her and placed it in my hair, rubbing the back of my neck. I chuckled and kissed the top of her head, letting my lips linger in her silky hair. I moved only to kiss her ear, then her just below that, to her neck, kissing the artery that lead from her neck to her heart. I felt the pulse come alive, pumping wildly, as my lips left. I heard her chuckle as I continued kissing down the side of her neck and making my way down her shoulder.

"I don't think you'll ever stop doing that to my heart," she said.

I froze my ministrations long enough to realize the impact of her words. I would stop doing that to her heart. Whether it was me physically stopping it with my venom or the fetus...

She noticed I had stopped, and turned to look at me.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

Wasn't that the question of the century. "Nothing's wrong, love" I said politely, giving her a gentle hug. "I was just thinking, that's all."

"About my change, right?"

Dammit, she was too intuitive some times. But that is one of the reasons I loved her so much.

"Yes," I answered, lowly. She took my chin in her hand and I let it pull her toward her.

"I love you, Edward. I mean it. I wouldn't be here, on a couch, in your house, wearing your wedding band if I loved someone else, now would I?"

She had me there. But she forgot the other thing, the reason she was on this couch in the first place rather than back on the island where we should be.

"Besides, I enjoyed our 'practice' kissing before the wedding... mind if we 'try' some more?"

She grinned, and I couldn't help but grin slightly back. She pulled closer and I leaned down to kiss her gently, allowing myself to memorize the way her lips molded to my own, how heated they felt, how the simply spark of her livelihood, her very essence, made me feel more alive now than I had in my nearly one hundred years walking this earth.

Somewhere, in the back of my mind, however, I was reminded that I should keep this memory with me. I wouldn't have her for much longer.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Days past, with more things happening. There was one day that I felt totally incapacitated. I didn't know what to do with myself. I had spoke to Jacob, mostly to appease Esme, (and somewhat to clear my conscience of wanting to kill the mutt) about lending anything we had on hand for him. Esme had worked hard to carefully wash and dry some of our clothes for Jacob, Leah and Seth. The vampire scent most likely wouldn't drown out completely, but she had used as much bleach and detergent as possible with the clothing. Alice had shopped so much for all of us, we could never wear the clothing more than once. It was all destined for Goodwill sooner or later.

He agreed to tell Leah and Seth and I thanked him. Just then, a sharp crack, then cry a pierced my ears. I dashed into the house, to find Bella scrunched in pain on the couch. The inevitable. Rosalie held her, brushing her arms softly in comfort. Carlisle, Esme and I hovered over her. Alice just stayed at the top of the stairs, her fists pressed against her head, feeling as inadequate as I felt. I could do nothing. Not one damn thing would help this situation other than placating and soothing my wife. I was killing her.

_What's going on? Why can't I see anything? I didn't think vampires could have migraines... _ Alice thought.

I felt for my sister, but my attention was on Bella. Every time I tried to touch her, she shuddered again, the pain doubling her over. Carlisle asked Bella urgently if he could look, but Bella panted and told him to give her a minute.

_This doesn't look good..._I heard Carlisle mutter in his mind, before quickly moving on to something else.

I knew what was the crack and I was burning with hatred for the evil thing inside her. Why wouldn't she just let us take care of the thing? She would live and I would not rescind my proposal for her and Jacob. But this... this was what made my hope die. The fetus was gaining strength, as was Bella. But if that thing was anything like me, like its father, it would be stronger than her. And, inevitably, break something in my wife's frail body.

"Pretty sure it was a rib... ow, yep."

Carlisle needed an x-ray, and Bella agreed. Before I could pick up my wife, Rosalie already had her in her arms. I leveled my gaze at her. Rosalie bared her teethed and let a warning growl slide through

"I've already got her!" she spat.

I would argue, I wanted to argue and rip Bella from my sister's arms. But I knew that this would only harm Bella in the end. So, I swallowed my pride and said nothing. But I did keep my gaze leveled.

Rosalie and I kept on his heels. His study had been transformed into an examining room. His tools, machines, everything he could pilfer from the hospital was here. Rosalie laid Bella on the examining table, Bella still panting from the break. I was still glaring at Rosalie. She caught my gaze when Carlisle was setting up the x-ray.

"Edward, I told you well before: things like this happen in normal pregnancies all the time," she whispered so low Bella would never hear.

"But this is not a _normal_ pregnancy, Rosalie" I hissed, at vampire speed.

"Oh just shut the hell up for once, Edward. Really, you think you know everything!"

"Why don't you keep your damn hands off my wife and stay the hell away from her, Sister!" I whispered back, on the verge of my regular voice.

"Children," Carlisle said, with authority. I knew that tone. We were acting like bickering siblings, but for once, I wish he would tell my sister to just keep her mouth shut. Bella was my wife and my responsibility, not her pet project.

I held Bella's hand, rubbing my thumb in a circle on her palm, as Carlisle set the machine up. Rosalie stroked her cheek. After a few minutes, Carlisle had concluded that it was a break. I shut my eyes tight and pinched the bridge of my nose between my forefinger and thumb. Of course it was a break. The thing was stronger than her now because we fed it. Would this nightmare ever end? But, of course, I knew the answer to that. And maybe when.

Carlisle gingerly tapped Bella up, from navel to just below her breasts, securing her. Seeing her like this just made it even worse. The curious sensation of my chest burning left me gasping for air. I knew I was to blame for this all. If I hadn't said 'yes' to her request, if I had merely—

No. I can't change the past. But I couldn't think of anything to change the future. Sure, she was a little stronger, but so was the THING inside her. Bella and the fetus were so intertwined now I almost didn't know where she began and the fetus began. Growing inside her like a cancerous tumor.

Rosalie took the initiative to carry her downstairs, too. I just followed behind, watching for any shift on Bella's part. Once Bella was settled, I curled up next to her on the couch before Rosalie could protest. I wrapped her in a blanket again, to keep myself from leaching her warmth. Soon, Bella fell asleep and the sun's rays began peeking through the room, dimly. It was nearing morning.

=-=-=-=-=-=

We continued to sit there, staring numbly at the television when Seth knocked once and came in. I smiled. Seth's mind was always refreshing. I heard in his mind that he was ravenous. I perked an eyebrow at him.

"Hungry?" I asked him.

He grinned. "Um, I guess you heard that, huh?"

"Yes, I did. We have regular food here, too. I could cook you something if you'd like that."

"Sure."

Rosalie took my post at Bella's side, while I ambled into the kitchen to fix something for Seth. He followed me in, asking how I had learned to cook.

"It was before I had plotted to take Bella to the prom last year," I chuckled, remembering how mad she was about being Alice's 'Guinea Pig Barbie' as she called it. As Alice cared for her during the day, when I wasn't allowed near Bella, I wanted to do something human for her for prom. I started watching The Food Network."

Seth laughed. "I guess that makes sense. You can't test the food out, so who helped you?"

"Charlie did. I spent all Saturday day cooking in Bella's kitchen. I thought the dinner I prepared would be awful, but Charlie tasted all of the meal. It had his stamp of approval."

I took out eggs and bacon from the refrigerator, greasing the skillet. I cracked three in the pan and poured a little milk, too. Quickly, I whipped out another pan and started frying the bacon. The smell was revolting to me, but Seth just moaned. Bella would be hungry, too and breakfast was exactly what she would want. And Seth ate every bit of it. I made enough in case Jacob or Leah would want some, too. I pulled out cinnamon rolls and placed them on a greased baking pan.

_That should be enough for three hungry werewolves and a very pregnant woman_ I mused to myself. I had never really cooked for anyone other than Bella, so I had just assumed the portions. I had heard from human mothers before that their 'growing boys' would eat them 'out of house and home'. Certainly, I would not let this be the case.

"So," he began, his thoughts jumbled, but then resting on Tanya. How odd.

"Are you guys going to leave?" he asked, his voice betraying him a little. Oh, Alaska. That was the plan before... before all this started. I would have missed him, too. Seth and I had become like brothers in the past few months. I never thought a werewolf and a vampire could bond together like this, but, then again, I was continually surprised at what life, my existence, had seen in my near-century.

I answered him carefully. "We're not leaving, Seth. Carlisle has medical access here that would take months, if not a few years, to build somewhere else. And," I added, turning over the bacon and scrambling the eggs, "I don't want to move Bella. It could prove to be too strenuous for her and hurt her."

"But you're running out of.... y'know, right?" he said, his face pinched, seemingly grossed out.

I smiled faintly. "Yes, we do need more type O-Negative. Bella and... the fetus had already depleted our stockpile we had on reserve for her change. Emmett and Jasper are going to take care of it."

He flinched at that. "_Take care of it?"_ he asked, with uncertainty. "Like taking it from real—"

"No, no," I said, interrupting both his thought and speech. "They take what they can from the blood banks, usually the places with the least amount of witnesses."

Seth took a whiff of the air and closed his eyes. His stomach rumbled loudly. "Are you going with them? Who'll stay with Bella?"

"I won't go. Rosalie will go with Emmett and Carlisle. Probably both. Rosalie went through medical school, too, you know," I mentioned, off-handedly. Seth knew about my past decades as a medical student and seemed very enamored of having so much knowledge, but not much experience. I told him I wasn't Carlisle. Plain and simple.

I heard Bella stir and grabbed a plate. I quickly turned off the stove and oven, piling Seth's plate with as many scrambled eggs, bacon and cinnamon rolls as it would hold. I handed it to him and he looked as if I had given him a feast. He took a quick bite and his eyes rolled back into his head a little. "Man, these are good! You sure can cook!" he exclaimed. I chuckled and thanked him. Next, I filled up a plate for Bella. When I came back in, Carlisle was removing the IV from Bella. She pinched her face a little, but smiled when the needle was gone. I shook my head. She was so brave during certain times, yet such a scaredy-cat during others. Would I ever figure out her mind?

"Here, love," I said, handing her the plate of food. "I hope you're hungry."

"Oh, well, I am a little." She grinned at me and pulled me close for a kiss. I pressed my lips delicately to hers, not wanting to hurt her. She was still so fragile to me. Rosalie had sat herself in front of Bella, and Alice was here, too. Strange, I thought she couldn't—

Oh. That was why.

Jacob and Seth were both in the living room. Jacob was lightly snoring and Seth was busy eating his breakfast next to Bella. Alice had found her aspirin. I took my place on the couch again, holding Bella's hand as she ate. After the whole plate was clean, I took it back to the kitchen.

Seth went back in the kitchen for seconds, while Rosalie and Jacob bickered a little, back and forth. He came back and told Jacob about that he and Leah took turns patrolling our land. He hadn't missed much, other than Bella becoming cheery again. Like all was right with the world. Jacob asked how she was doing and said "Fine, tapped up nice and tight."

I ground my teeth together. She acted like it was nothing to have this inhuman thing growing inside her. Acting like a proud mommy-to-be. How long would it take for her to realize that this wasn't a normal pregnancy and that there was no baby in there, but a monster?

Carlisle asked about Jacob about hunting. Knowing the treaty he couldn't just let any one of us go hunting. I needed to hunt, that was sure, but I would not leave Bella right now. All my brothers and Carlisle would had to pulled me away kicking, screaming and biting them before I'd leave Bella's side.

Carlisle was hurting inside. His mental anguish of causing a rift between Jacob and Sam was at his forefront. He felt guilty and wondered how he could repair it.

_God, if there is some way I can fix this..._ he prayed silently. I tuned him out. I gave Carlisle his space when began praying. Despite my own thoughts on the subject, I felt it was too private a conversation.

Jacob replied that it was nothing and there shouldn't be anything on 'Doc's' conscience. Carlisle smiled and decided that three at a time would be good. He then suggested that I would join them.

The look I gave him could peel paint and freeze him in place. He began backtracking immediately.

Then, later on, after another human moment, I heard a small crack and Bella gasp. I ran to her, finding her sitting on the floor. Rosalie was next to me, but I had Bella in my arms before she did. I whisked her upstairs to Carlisle. It was another crack in her rib.

That fetus was going to kill my wife, one way or another.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Bella ran a fever off and on today. Her immune system was very low, so I kept up with her. The only thing now was how to handle Bella's father. Charlie had been calling nearly non-stop. When he called this time, Bella begged to talk to him.

"Please, Edward? Just let me reassure Charlie and then it will be fine," she pleaded.

As bad of an idea that was, I let her. I couldn't refuse her anything. So she chatted with Charlie off and on for about fifteen minutes, telling him every few minutes how she was "fine". I now loathed that word in the English language. And probably any other language I knew.

Renee called, too. That wasn't near as bad. Her and her husband Phil were finishing up a few end-season games. She was ecstatic and kept the conversation away from Bella and more on her and her husband. I felt relieved for Renee's lack of focus in conversation.

Throughout the day, Seth and I switched back and forth keeping Bella both hot and cold. Like applying a cool rag to her forehead, or a heating pad for her fragile body.

Jacob stopped by a while later. I whispered she was alright. Or the same. Esme sat next to me, her arm around me. Trying to reassure me. Rosalie was upstairs with Bella. She was on another human moment.

Rosalie came back in, moments later, carrying my wife in her arms.

As my sister and the mutt jabbed each other back and forth, I watched Esme stand up and Rosalie placed Bella on the couch. I shifted to look at her. Bella's face's turned white as bone, her face pinched. Immediately, I swept my hand across her forehead and down her neck, as if to caress. A slight fever still, I could tell.

"Are you cold?"

"I'm fine."

"Bella!" Rosalie exclaimed. "You know what Carlisle told you. Don't downplay anything. We can't help you or the baby that way." _She'll never get the proper care the baby needs if she doesn't tell the truth about everything her body needs or wants._

"Okay. I'm a little cold," Bella admitted. "Edward, can you hand me that blanket?" Her eyes looked for me. I turned to grab the quilt off the side of the couch.

"Isn't that the point of me being here?" Jacob stated, flatly. I agreed. What was the point of him being here all the time? Was she really attached so much to her little puppy friend? I stopped and allowed him to sit next to her. His body heat would keep her warm, that's for sure. Bella had been telling him what to do, trying to mother him. Her instincts were always that of a mother's. The parent. It was then that I heard a buzzing noise. It was so low, I could barely hear it, but it was there. Like something out of range, such as a radio. I couldn't place it.

"Alice, do you hear that buzzing?" I asked her at vampire speed.

She gave me a cross look before retorting. "No, and are you sure you're not going batty?" She noted the color of my eyes. "You need to eat."

"Not over my pile of ashes," I said, keeping my focus on Bella's face. I heard Alice mentally huff and turn to Rose. She asked if Rosalie would get something for Jacob.

"I wouldn't want to eat something Blondie spit in. Venom wouldn't be too good for my system."

"She would never disgrace Esme like that in front of guests," Alice chimed.

"Of course not," came Rosalie's answer, so saccharin-sweet I thought I saw a canary feather sticking out from her lips.

Jacob leaned over Bella to ask me, "You'd tell me if she poisoned it, right?"

I nodded my head absently. I kept hearing that buzzing sound and was curious where it was coming from. Where was it coming from? I kept getting bits and pieces of what was being said. That piqued my interest so I concentrated harder. It was then that Rosalie's mental voice broke out, over the buzzing I was hearing.

_This would do it. A meal fit for a mutt._

I sighed and grinned. Rosalie had taken one of Esme's metal bowls and turned it in on itself, making a dog dish. Then filled it with the steak and potatoes from Seth's lunch.

She pranced out and sat the bowl on the floor. She even scratched 'Fido' on the side.

Rosalie sat in the armchair and flicking through channels. I watched Bella watch Jacob. There was just something about the way she looked at him that unnerved me to no end. What was it that bothered me so? She was my wife. She loved me. Yet, here she was, petting Jacob like he was the best thing in the world to her.

"So, um, what's the uh, date?" I heard Jacob casually ask. He was referring to her due date. "you know, the due date for the little monster?"

"I'm gonna wanna know how long I'm gonna have to be here."

You and me both, Jacob. If Bella didn't survive, I wouldn't either. Simple.

"I don't know. Obviously, we're not going with the nine-month model here and I can't get an ultrasound. So Carlisle is guesstimating from how big I am."

"Normal people are supposed to be about 40 centimeters around here," pointing to her navel. "I was thirty this morning and gaining about 2 centimeters a day. Maybe more."

_So, what is that? Four days? _He choked. I felt his anguish from here. I'm sure he was beyond mad at us all. I had heard before that we had just never came back, if he had his chance with her, none of this would have happened.

I almost agreed with him.

I kept my face away from them both. I worked hard to keep my face straight, void of any emotion. In four days time, she would die. She go to a place I was forever barred from. And I would find my void soon after. I would not stay in this world much longer after she was gone. Jacob would help me make sure of that.

It would be intolerable if these last few days would be taken from me early. I banked on those precious hours with her that I had left.

"I didn't think you would come," Bella said. "Seth said you would, and Edward did, but I didn't believe them."

I stared at the TV, keeping composure while Rosalie flipped through the channels. I heard it through Jacob's thoughts the whole time. He, just like me, was curious as to why Bella wanted him here. Why she smiled so brightly when he walked into the room. Why it seemed as if the sun rose and set on Jacob Black.

I stared out the windows, blanking my face.

"I feel complete now when you're around. You've always been part of my family."

Jacob snorted. I wasn't paying attention, but something along the lines of "Jacob, I get a kick out of your pain. You like that better?" ran through his mind. I glanced over my shoulder, watching her face. She shut her eyes and frowned.

"We got off track," she said, heavy-hearted. "You were supposed to be part of my life, but not like this. I did something wrong."

Jacob asked her about her day, being noncommittal. When she mentioned that Charlie had called, he grew angry. She fell asleep after that and Jacob badgered me over the issue.

"Yes, I have talked over and over about the Charlie issue with her," I said, shrugging my shoulders in defeat. Bella had an elaborate plan that included keeping her father both in the know and in the dark. He would make a wrong assumption and we would go along with it. She thinks she will be able to see him after she's changed... after her first newborn year.

I just went along with it. I was figuring the statistics. Bella, according to every piece of manuscript I could get my hands on, would not live.

"She's planning to live. But not human," he said, flatly.

"No, not human. But she hopes to see Charlie again anyway."

His face was even more angry. "See Charlie when she's all sparkly-white with the blood-red eyes?" _She would kill him!_

"She thinks she can stall and keep in contact through phone calls."

_Right, like Charlie is that stupid. He's not! He'll find some way to see her.... and then what? Death by his daughter sinking her teeth in his neck?_

"I'll deal with whatever comes," I said to him, emotion choking my throat. The fearful near future haunted me, leaving me suffocating and helpless. There was nothing I could do besides try to save her the only way I knew how. If it didn't work, I would die with her.

I told him briefly of the other mothers, of the woman we met while in South America. The legends, the myths, all were true. When the creature was born, it would rip its way out with its teeth.

"And the mothers?" Jacob asked, quietly. I didn't respond. He knew the answer as well as I did.

I burned again. I couldn't imagine a more painful thought than the very thing that had started this whole mess was myself. I let her talk me into it. I was more than willing, true to make love to her when we married, but this... I should have stopped before it went too far. I should have withdrew myself. I should have... I carried on mentally. No contraceptive in the world could have planned for this. I could practically hear the bitter harpy that hung over Bella so long laugh in my face, daring me to try to save her.

"Of course there were no survivors!" Rosalie said smugly. She went on claiming that such an environment could have never been healthy for a baby, much less the mother. Rarely did the normal pregnancies survive, much less the ones by the incubus. The way she phrased it, she was only giving proper attention to the baby. Like it was something precious. I curled my hands, crouching low, ready to pounce, when Jacob caught my eye.

"Allow me," he spoke. He then retrieved the dish from the floor and hurled it at Rosalie's head, the food spilling over her hair and ricocheting off, snapping the top of the Newell post at the foot of the stairs.

A low hiss filled the room. "You. Got. Food. In. My. Hair!" she shrieked.

Served my sister right. I would have been slightly unhappy later if Emmett and I fought because I beheaded his wife.

I watched Jacob nearly double over in laughter, hearing Alice's tinkling laughter come from behind the sofa. I joined in, laughing at the absurdity of it all. But the noise had woken Bella and I turned to face her.

"What's so funny?"

"I got food in her hair!" Jacob chortled.

"Jacob, stop being mean to—"

I whipped over Jacob's frame and wrenched the blanket away from Bella. She was arched off the sofa cushions, her lips mashed tightly together. She looked like she was holding back a scream. I placed both my hands between her face, cradling her. "Carlisle!" I called.

Carlisle whisked into the room, looking over my Bella. He face was pinched, but, suddenly went slack. She sighed heavily and rubbed her womb.

"Okay, think it's over. Poor kid doesn't have enough room."

Bella's affectionate tone for the fetus left me reeling. She kept referring to it as a him, like she knew for a fact it would be a male child. Laughable, when I knew there was only one thing it could be. Thirsty.

Carlisle took at Jacob. I cocked my head to the side. _Could the fetus be that closely related to shapeshifters?_ It was possible, I guess. Nothing was mythical to me anymore.

The discussion grew, conversing the affects of the possibility of a male or female fetus, the and the possibility that maybe this creature would be like some super vampire of sorts. The best and worst of both kinds. I felt like I was in a science fiction movie gone horribly wrong. The ones that sat on the bottom shelves of a store. The kind no one rented.

I woke Jacob when Bella was warm enough. I thanked him, for both her and for him letting my family hunt. I owed so much to him. And still owed him even more.

It was only a few hours later that Jacob showed up again. I hadn't forgotten my conversation with Carlisle earlier. I hadn't forgotten anything that we had talked about during those quiet times in the middle of the night. When Bella was fast asleep, Rosalie watching over her like a mother hawk, and I was with Carlisle in the next room, debating over what to do next. I would deal with the consequences of my actions when the time came. And that time was coming faster. Like the aching arms of an old grandfather clock. Time slid by, leaving me reeling and gasping. Burning.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=

I thought it had fractured her pelvis this time.

I rushed up with, Bella in my arms, and laid her on the table. Carlisle had the machine whirring to life within minutes. I held her hand, kissing the back of her hand gently and caressing her cheek. I did whatever I could to soothe her when it was possible. Rosalie, ever the helpful one, just kept talking about the damn baby. How _cute_ the baby will be! How _darling_ the baby will be. The baby. The baby. The _baby._

I was so sick of hearing it called a baby I wanted to scream and perform the abortion myself.

There was rustling downstairs and Alice answered the door. "Hey wolf," she said, nonchalantly.

When Carlisle was finished, I scooped Bella up in my arms and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. I carried her back to her place on the couch.

"See? I told you I didn't hear a crack. Edward, you need your ears checked," Rosalie said, her thoughts centered only on the baby. Baby this, baby that. I was so sick of hearing about that fetus being a baby I wanted to rip something apart.

_Just like the fetus will do to Bella when it's ready to be born,_ my mind reminded me.

If Rosalie didn't get off my case, and soon, I would need Jasper, Carlisle and Emmett to keep me from ripping her limb from limb. She made me so furious that she could act so cavalier with my wife and her growing womb. Bella clutched at the cup of blood I had given her earlier. She awoke hungry and asked for eggs and blood this time. I gave her the eggs first.

"Jake," she whispered. I sat on the floor by her head, watching the color drain from her as fast as she slurped from her cup. Conversation came up about hunting as far as Seattle. I wouldn't go. No gruesome physical need of my own could pry me away from Bella's side. Carlisle suggested that Rosalie, Emmett and I go. Rosalie snarled before I could make a sound.

"Not a chance!' she said, disapproval in her voice. "Emmett can go with you now."

"You should hunt," Carlisle gently suggested, in a diffusing tone.

"I'll hunt when he does," she said, pointer her finger at me.

Needless to say, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Esme and Carlisle left to hunt. Rosalie divided the time between surfing through the hundreds of television channels and glaring at Jacob, who was pestering her again.

"Has she heard it?" he asked, about a joke he had just made.

"No," I replied, nonchalantly. I was hearing that soft buzzing sound again, and it sounded like it was a little louder.

"A blond's brain cells die alone," Jacob finished, mentally happy that he could _piss off_, as he so aptly put it, my sister.

"I have killed a thousand times more often than you have, you disgusting beast. Don't forget that," Rosalie sneered, her eyes never leaving the television set.

Bella was telling Jacob to stop getting on Rosalie's nerves. He could get on her very last nerve for all I cared. Then Jacob made mention of leaving. I held an unneeded breath, waiting for her answer. Of course, I knew what she would say already.

The answer was no. Every damn time, it was no. I wished there was someway to rid him, but it would make her unhappy. And I vowed to never make her unhappy again. At least, for the few short days we had left together. Besides, Jacob was needed for the heat, anyway.

Bella asked Rosalie for more blood, my sister rushed upstairs. Then, that buzzing that I had been hearing the past two days became louder suddenly. Like the volume had been turned up and I could make out something. I glanced over at Jacob, then Bella.

"Did you say something?" I politely asked, wondering if what I heard was correct. I turned to Bella, questioning her with my eyes.

"Me?" she asked, disbelieving. "I didn't say anything."

Carefully, I moved until I was over her. The buzzing, the whisper, got louder. I could almost make out the words.

"What are you thinking about right now?" I prodded her. There was no way I could actually hear her mental voice. Not now. It was... coming from somewhere else.

_So safe... Can't hurt the warmth..._

I could not believe what I was hearing. It was soft, just above a whisper, but still there. And it was coming from Bella. My first instinct was that I was hearing Bella's voice, but when I asked if she had said anything, she just mentioned Isle Esme... and the feathers.

"Say something else," I asked, quietly.

"Like what, Edward?" Bella was frustrated with my behavior, but was more shocked at what I was doing just now.

I gasped. No... there was no way... it wasn't even possible. Cautiously, and with all eyes on me, I gently placed both my hands on Bella's round womb.

The fe—... the _baby_," I choked on the last word. "Likes the sound of your voice."

My mind went into overdrive, as Bella shrieked, making the baby jump in her womb.

A beat of total silence.

"_Holy CROW! You can hear him!_" Bella shouted, then winced.

"Shh... you startled it." She patted her round belly, offering a 'sorry, baby' to it. I strained my neck over her, careful not to be too close in case my cold body would make he or she react.

"What's he saying now?" she asked, obvious delight emanating from her face.

_So warm... must keep still... I like the voices.... don't like the loud voices..._

"It... he or she...," I paused. I wasn't prepared for this. Not at all. I didn't know it would truly be a child. "... he's happy."

The fetus had a voice. And it was... astute. It didn't want to hurt her anymore than any of us did. It was _trying_ not to hurt her from the inside, doing its best to stay a stationary as possible. I could almost feel through the thin membrane of Bella's skin the hands pressing against my cold hand through her womb.

And it... _was_ a baby. A thinking, feeling, breathing creature. A sentient being, capable of rational thought to the point of avoiding heartache and pain toward its mother. Despite the awkward pregnancy.

And something in me surged to a new level. The sorrow that I had been experiencing the past few weeks dissipated into a beautiful new feeling. An all-encompassing love filled me from head to toe. I understood now what Bella had been right about all along. It was a child. _Our_ child, I marveled.

I was going to be a father.

Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined this. Me, Edward Anthony Cullen, a father? The idea was laughable only two seconds ago. But two seconds ago, I hadn't heard my child speak.

His, or her, mental voice was comforting. Soothing. Like a balm to my weary bones, the same like what Bella had given me when I knew she loved me, too. I was going to be a father. To have a precious child to hold in my arms.

I shushed my love and gently massaged her belly, where the child was nestled. I spoke in soft tones, relaying the newfound knowledge. My wife began sobbing, but in happy tears, cooing over the baby to be born. I saw it in Rosalie's eyes, as I looked up. I'm sure they reflected my own. It was real and it was sure; Bella and I were having a baby. As if it was the most normal thing a newly-married couple should be expecting.

Expecting. There was a word I wouldn't think of before. Now it was more certain. The future looked infinitesimally brighter. I have my wife and my son or daughter now. We would be a family, within this strange family I formed here already.

"Of course you should feel loved, all safe and warm and happy. I love you, little EJ," Bella cooed, rubbing her hands over her swollen stomach.

_EJ? _ Surely, she didn't mean....?

"What was that you called it?"

"I, I sorta named him. I didn't think you would want... you know. Your father's name was Edward, too."

I agreed, but not fully comprehending or wanting to comprehend what she was naming our child. Edward... and Jacob. She wasn't _serious_ was she? Naming the child after me and that heinous mutt? I felt like I had been kicked low and hard. The only thing kept me from sulking entirely was a precious little voice in my head. _My_ child's voice.

_I like the deeper voice.... so warm... must stay still..._

Now it was speaking of me? Calling me the 'deeper voice'? It had heard me speaking. This was too much for one person to handle. Too much for one vampire to handle. But, I rejoiced. The baby liked the sound of my voice, too. It soothed him.. or her. I still was not sure yet.

_Now, you see what we mean, Edward? This baby is a blessing for all of us._ Rosalie's mental smirk matched her own outwardly. I didn't care. I was still reveling in the thought of becoming a father.

I overheard Rose asking about names, but I was still listening for my child's mental voice. Now that I had heard it, I ached to hear it again. I concentrated, leaving my face emotionless.

If only my mother could see me now. It was hard to remember my human mother's face clearly anymore, much less my father's. But in this instance, I could imagine what they might say. My human mother would probably cry with joy and hug Bella and I. My father would likely pat me on the back in a congratulatory, manly gesture. They might plan a party of some sort, but demand that Bella rest as much as possible. Human women need so much rest from the general strain, and, as I belatedly noticed on Isle Esme, their emotions were all out of whack.

It seemed preposterous that I would become a father after all these years, but yet here I was, a vampire, with my wife, a human, and our hybrid baby.

I had no idea the sex of the child. I couldn't tell from its mental voice. All I knew was that it was happy and it loved my wife like I did. Its mother.

My heart swelled immeasurably. For the third time in my long existence, I would have a family. My own wife and child to call my own.

I wanted to hear more. The voice fluttered in and out, and I was losing reception. Suddenly, I saw flashes of color before my eyes. Colors that were warm in nature; deep crimson, luscious pinks, earthy browns and deep violets filled my vision, accompanied with an overwhelming sense of love that tinged those colors. It was singularly the strangest thing I had ever _seen. _Did the baby do that? Could it have a gift, and was it manifesting already? Even before it was out of the womb?

Cautiously and tenderly, I laid my ear against her womb, listening again to my baby speak.

_Is that voice my Momma? I love that voice...._

"It loves you." Incredible. My entire outlook on the whole situation changed right then. "It absolutely adores you," I spoke softly.

No longer would I fret about Bella and the _baby_. It wasn't some blood-thirsty monster looking for food. It was a beautiful, heavenly creature. A child. An astute, intelligent child at that. Maybe, just maybe, if I could make something like this, an intelligent creature come from me, perhaps I wasn't completely evil. Perhaps hope and heaven wasn't lost for our kind after all.

Maybe, just maybe, Carlisle was right.


	11. The Worst Moment

**A/N: **I would like to take this time to thank a couple of people and summarize where we were before:

To **Segolily**, (my first beta) because she is still one of the more amazing, strong-willed people left. And she can write her little heart out.

Thank you **Booksgalore**, my other beta. She keeps me level-headed, even when I don't want to be.

To **Camilla**, for giving me inside scoops to the inner goings-on during the Italy filming for New Moon. If you see a white-haired lady celebrating St. Marcus Day in the crowd... that's her!

To **ThexInvisiblexGirl**, who lets me gush over Rob any time I want and doesn't disown me for it.

And last, but not least, **blondie AKA Robin**, for letting me fawn over her fics (including beta-ing this chapter), and inspiring me to write again last year. She's a brilliant woman, truly!

To everyone at Twilighted and here on FF who has made writing fun and not work.

**Summary: **Edward has just heard the baby speak from the womb and has noticed, possibly, that he or she may have a gift. He is pondering this and the possibility that there may be something more out there for _his_ child can exist in the world. Jacob and Rosalie are there, catering to Bella. Carlisle snuck into a local hospital and got medical equipment he needed, including morphine. Jasper and Emmett crashed a blood bank for Bella's O-Negative. Esme is making plans for the baby's room now, consulting with Rosalie every few minutes, and Alice is... well, frustrated. She still can't see anything. Still Edward's Perspective and will remain so.

* * *

**Chapter 9 – The Worst Moment**

"Go Jacob. Get away from here."

I had said the words to help him. I heard his thoughts, _Traitor_ and _Leech_ among them, and I knew that he believed I had abandoned the Misery Boat. No longer did I see utter destruction and death, but tinges of hope, the wisp of something bright. He, on the other hand, saw only her demise. Like a man floating in a life raft, seeing only the far edge of a great and terrible waterfall.

_And Death and Hell followed after him..._

I threw my keys to the Vanquish toward the sound of his canine heart. I suppose he caught them. I didn't know for sure. I hadn't seen, but only heard his footfalls as Jacob raced out of the door and into the garage. The engine turned over and his melancholy thoughts were gone.

It was the first time my wife and I had been truly alone since our honeymoon. Instead of the usual fare of midnight swims and afternoon delights, we had a cool, upholstered couch and several afghans. Not nearly as romantic as I had originally planned. If my plans, _originally,_ had come to fruition, they would be similar to my only dreams: Bella and I attending Dartmouth, her minor in English most likely, and I could take Philosophy this time. Jasper had said he enjoyed studying it in Ithaca... Bella would remain human through her entire college life, then, if she wished, only if she _really _was ready, I would take her to Denali to change her. Carlisle promised to be on standby...

Ah, but what are plans when the future is based on a thousand different decisions? All which can change instantly? _Every action has an equal and opposite reaction..._

Even the laws of physics were against us.

I turned to my radiant wife, cradling her arms around her stomach, cradling _our_ baby. She cooed and chattered with Rosalie about the nursery, feeding options, and something else. My ears perked up.

"Well, Bella, since you are a human woman, and, most likely, you'll be a vampire afterward, so I would sense that you otherwise non-existent bust will be more prominent now."

Esme appeared from the kitchen, adding to the conversation.

"You know, Bella, after I was changed, I never lost my roundness either, from giving birth. I lost my little boy only after a few days," she said, that familiar motherly glint in her eyes. The one where she reminisced over her lost motherhood, for the child she had but for only a short time. I saw in her mind, her holding this small frail newborn, still and unmoving. It was the strongest memory she had aside from a dimly-lit nightmare of her former husband. I noticed, as did Rosalie, that when Esme spoke of her lost baby, she hunched in on herself, as if she still felt his loss, now a nearly a century ago.

Just because she called us her children didn't mean four full-grown adults made up for her dead son.

Though, I'm sure, like Esme, she would retain a certain glow, beyond our own skin's luminescence. She would look a little _fuller_ compared to other vampires. The look of a woman who had just given birth. Most certainly the lovely soft-edge my mother had when she was changed. To this day, even, she looks as if she has given birth not but days ago. Her figure not quite slender, but soft.

I shook my head of these thoughts. For once, during this whole nightmare, I was starting to believe that good would come of this.

I did need to discuss the baby's delivery with Bella and Rose, both. With my hearing the child's thoughts now, I could better discern what he or she needed, what would be best for the child. And for both the health of my love and our baby, a quicker delivery would be best. Many human women didn't carry their child to term, and within two weeks of the actual due date is relatively normal. My child wouldn't be born premature. Not that it would have any effect, I thought, but comforting nonetheless.

"Bella, sweetheart," I cooed softly, brushing my lips against her ear. She giggled a little. Rose sighed and offered Bella something more to drink. Taking the request, Rose flitted off to the kitchen for another cup of O-Negative.

_You better behave yourself, Edward_ she called mentally. _Just because you can hear him, doesn't mean you get full Daddy rights yet. You're still under probation for the last two weeks._

Smirking, I reached around her stomach to cradle her hand in my, over top of her blossoming stomach. She sighed, her eyes drooping.

"I wanted to talk you about the whole naming of our baby..."

Her eyes opened and turned to me. I didn't quite know how she was responding, so I began cautiously. "I was just curious if you would be open to other names as well?"

Sighing again, she nestled a little closer to me, her heated, very pregnant body filling my left side with warmth unimaginable. "Maybe... if you can agree to a few terms."

My mouth dropped open, but I quickly snapped it shut. Agree to _her_ terms? I thought keeping the baby was all about _her_ terms, anyway?

Through tight lips, I answered my angel. "And what terms would those be, love?"

"Just promise me we will keep Jacob as his middle name. No changing the middle name."

Of course. If God listened to me, I would pray that we had a girl. It would simply not do if we had a boy. With _that_ name. We had spoken briefly over naming our child, apparently, after her two favorite people. I would not, could not, have a son named after myself and.. that mongrel. The phrase _If hell froze over_ came to mind...

"Bella, sweetheart, why do you want to name our child," a lump found its way in my throat, just as if I were human. "_Edward Jacob_? Really? Granted, I do not mind the namesake, nor, I'm sure would my father. But why the middle name?"

I felt lost. Like this wasn't supposed to happen in a marriage. We were, by theory, equal partners in this relationship, this union. I shared everything I was, I gave everything I am to this woman. My heart, and if it mattered, my soul. She had it all and yet Bella obstinately wanted Jacob to be included in our lives. So why was it so hard to make her see how troubling, how hurtful it was to stick that filthy mutt in our lives? Just because I felt grateful toward him for saving her the months I was gone doesn't mean I want to share her with him.

_Though you did ask him to bed her so she could have children. Remember?_

Of course I do remember that. I was desperate and anxious. Furious with myself and what I was. That I had caused her pain and, as predictable as Fate was, Bella's death. To have him be able to give her something I could not was beyond anguish. But I would have done anything then. Now, well, I wanted no part of Jacob Black. The baby was real and healthy and a loving, sentient thing. And my wife would be like me. I would not let her slip through my fingers now.

She looked idly at the glimmering wedding band on my hand, stroking it gently with her index finger. When a moment passed, my face darkened, I'm sure, but she held a finger up to me, as if she were pondering what to say next. Editing.

"Because, I think, that you are the most wonderful and beautiful thing that has ever happened to me and because Jacob is my best friend. Or was. You've loved me from the beginning and he became my closest friend while you were.. away.

I want to make sure our child knows such self-sacrificing people helped to bring him into the world."

I wanted to tell her exactly what I thought of the name. And how in the hell was that dog classified as self-sacrificing? He wasn't there when Bella and I made love on Isle Esme. He wasn't there when it was my name that echoed from her lips in passion. He wasn't the one who stood up and said vows in front of friends, family and God of how he would love and cherish her all the days of his life. That was me, dammit. Me! How putrid it was, how it sullied everything we, Bella and I, were about. But I was a better man. Sort of. And I held my tongue.

"I suppose I could understand that. To an extent."

She stroked my hand that laid carefully on her stomach, which in turn, was stroking her softly, too. Rose came back with the cup of O Negative and abruptly left to call Emmett.

I was so aggravated with her. Mad at her, even. I was frustrated with her choices. Why did she always have to make the most abnormal choices about what was best for herself? She never had an ounce of self-preservation in her, nor selfishness. But I, luckily, had enough for the both of us.

But that _name_! Why on earth would she do this to me? To our baby? Naming him after that damn mutt. The boy that wanted to split my marriage. And still did. Was it pregnancy hormones? I could kid myself that it was, but something niggling in the back of my mind told me that no, no it wasn't.

Of course that's how the world works. Being on planet Earth for ninety-odd years afforded me perspective. I knew of things that many people would have never heard of and never understand. I had nearly six times as much lifetime as the endearing girl beside me, so I believed I had a better grip on the most trivial, inane, darkest, most hated parts of people. And this included me. I was, after all, nothing but darkness. _Light cannot come from darkness..._

"Bella," I began gently. "What if we named the child after someone from your family? Did you have an aunt or uncle you favored? Great-grandfather? Grandmother?"

"You know Charlie and Renee were only children. I told you that. And Grandma Marie was the only grandmother I knew."

I nodded. I knew of her family history, but I thought I would try still. "What about naming the child after your grandmother? Surely there is a masculine form of Marie..." Anything to avoid the middle name of Jacob if it was a boy. I could settle for a son named Marion. After all, one of the greatest actors of the 20th Century carried the namesake of Marion and he was thought to be the epitome of the masculinity.

She looked pained. Like I had wounded her in some way. I tried quickly to backtrack, somehow to listen to her, without giving in to the horrendous name she wanted.

"Leah," she breathed softly.

I turned and smelled Leah at the same time. I was surprised I hadn't noticed before. She apparently was angry. I could both see and hear her mental hatred toward me, rolling off of her in waves, toward my family and, Bella, most of all. That definitely would not do.

"Leah, if you've come to start trouble..." I hissed, moving swiftly in front of Bella. Rosalie heard us and was down the stairs in a crouch, teeth bared, in front of the Quileute woman.

"Screw you, leech. I'm here to talk to Bella and Bella only. This isn't your fight."

At that I bristled. She was damn wrong if she thought it wasn't my fight, too. If Bella or my family was involved. It was my fight. Her mental voice screamed obscenities, ones I don't think I had heard of since our family's time near the US Naval Base in Groton, Connecticut.

I hissed in Leah's direction. _"If her blood pressure elevates, it could do damage to her already frail body. And I will hunt you down if that happens," _I growled in vampire pitch. Rosalie nodded her head, too adding in, _"And I'll help him."_

Leah growled, but her frame didn't shake. She was still in control, which I had to admit—if only to myself—that took skill. Skill many of the other wolves didn't have under pressure.

Her dark eyes flashed to Bella, huddled on the couch, her head dropped low, looking at Leah from above her round belly.

"Whatever the hell you did to Jacob, you need to apologize. He's been after you for the past year and for you to be all hunky-dory with him, while married to the bloodsucker, carrying his spawn... that's really shitty of you."

"_You know I'm right, leech,"_ she growled back, lowly. I hated to admit it, but I did agree with one point in Leah's tirade. And knowing that I agreed and it was hurting Bella made me feel all that much worse. If there was a hole to crawl into, I would want to be in it.

I heard the whimper and knew tears were coming. Bella would cry and, no matter if I agreed with her thoughts, I would have to throw Leah out. I would launch her right over the river, like a football. I could imagine her sailing across, screaming something vulgar, and with me, a look of total satisfaction across my face. She was a woman, yes, and my gentlemanly instincts told me to leave her alone. But if she was going to insult and berate my wife...

Well, to hell with being gentlemanly.

A growl slipped through my teeth, and Rose took a more protective stance in front of Bella. But Leah was nearly done. I picked a few choices phrases from her head. She would be done in probably thirty seconds time.

"So, if you're going to be acting like this all the while you're pregnant, just leave Jacob the hell alone. I'll keep him in the woods, you stay here with the leeches and just be a total, frickin' idiot about everything. Have your damn spawn and leave us the hell alone!"

Leah stormed out, nearly transforming mid-stride as she made a break for the trees.

And I was ready to run after her and throttle her. I would do it, and do it happily. Our treaty be damned.

I started to rise, but Bella caught her hand on my knee. "Don't," she said softly. Her eyes were red and wet. Rosalie patted her hand and smoothed a stray lock of hair from Bella's face.

"Please, for me?"

And when she said please, my resolve melted. No matter what it was, just saying that one little word always made me putty in her hands. No matter how silly, off-the-wall or idiotic it might prove.

Just like when she asked me to _please_ make love with her when she was a human. To _please_ let her keep this baby, even while it was killing her.

Who knew what a dangerous word _please_ was.

I waited for three hours and forty-five minutes until Jacob was on the meadow's grounds. I had formed a plan to ask him of the last thing he could give me. I was sure I had fulfilled my quota of "being begged by the leech for favors", but this was my absolute last resort.

And because I was underhanded, vile and not exactly noble, I would make sure he knew that this was my only chance to let him save her one last time. To do something for her I could not. To give me permission to change her, despite the treaty. I didn't want to do it, balking at the very idea, but if I could play that card, to put him in such a position that he couldn't possibly refuse...

It was as nerve-wracking as asking Charlie for his blessing for our marriage.

Her hand in marriage... oh, that was a wonderful set of memories. Full of romantic nights, soft, tender touches and the big surprise of becoming an immortal father. I sincerely doubted anyone other than the biblical Joseph had the problem of an amazing child coming into his and his betrothed's lives. And I was sure that he wasn't afraid of harming or damning her in anyway. Not that I recalled. I hadn't been involved in the extreme particulars of religion since I was turned.

Carlisle saw the researching of other religions as enlightening; to understand other religious affairs and compare them with my own. I have yet to find any Roman Catholic or Protestant vampires who could let me know of any afterlife for our kind. Save my father, who vehemently said there was hope and to "have faith". I had either hope nor faith until I heard my child think.

That was enough for me to realize that God existed, as I had surmised before. Although I was sure he took enjoyment out of my pain. I also believed in angels, too. My wife was one of them. To love cherish and marry a creature like myself... too much for words to convey.

So, in essence, I passed the time with Bella, rolling her wedding band, looped on a chain around her neck, between my fingers. I alternately massaged her swollen feet and made sure she had plenty of fluids and plenty to eat. Both kinds of sustenance, of course. When Rosalie brought out the blood, it did set my throat on fire. It was bags of human blood after all. Each one of us had self-control to a point, with Carlisle's of course, being exceptional. But the smell of it, it was mouthwatering. I could feel the venom pooling in my mouth at the thoughts of the hot, red liquid...

_Stop!_ I heard mentally. I had thought it, but Rosalie, Esme and Alice had thought it, too. All of them went out-of-doors to get away from the smell. None of our self-control was at perfection, but we were strong enough. Most times. Not that I would ever let Jacob known. Idiot. Only he would wonder how we couldn't help ourselves from wrenching the crimson drink from Bella.

I also had the chance to spend some rare, private time with my wife. My brothers were still scouting out blood, and Rosalie had decided to join Alice, Carlisle and Esme on one last hunt before the baby was born an hour ago. Though her features, always soft, had turned more rounded and shapely, she was as beautiful as ever. Glowing even. Her eyes, though rounded in darkening circles from lack of proper sleeping, had a warmth to them I hadn't seen before. As if it was an added warmth that only motherhood could bring...

Needless to say, even in her condition, we spent the better part of the afternoon with her in my lap, my hands pressed over her rounding abdomen, seeing our baby's projections of warmth and color, and placing soft, butterfly kisses along her collarbone. Bella's heart sped and soared, which made me alarmed for her in the condition, so I toned myself down a bit. Just a little.

For a few blissful hours, it was just Bella, our baby and me. No one else, no thoughts other than increasingly vivid colors sent by our son or daughter and the sounds made by Leah and Seth a mile away. It was a short respite from the hellish past two weeks.

It was when I heard the roaring of an engine that I knew the dog was back. And I could ask him for the last thing, the only thing, he could give me.

My wife's life.

-=-=-=-=-

An hour later, it all happened very quickly. Too quickly. Like Fate herself had planned this ugly event since the dawn of time just to spite Bella and me. I, evidently, didn't do her in, as instructed by the hideous harpy, so she sought to intervene herself.

And it all started with a damn cup.

I had just finished speaking to Jacob about my last request, the permission to relinquish the treaty long enough to change Bella should things, or rather when things, went south. That I could have permission to save her life and, in turn, damning her eternally to the life of a dark creature.

Needless to say, the dog wasn't very happy. He was haggard, tired, and looked worse-for-wear. His eyes bore deep circles that testified to the sleep he had not received since coming to our aid over a week ago. He was worried about his pack, he was worried Sam's pack, he was worried about how much Bella would be different...

I offered for him to have anything I could give him in return; his request, of course, was something I could never give him. Not unless she sent me away and had the abortion like I had told her she should have. How little I knew then! How would I know that the same abomination that was nestled inside her was nothing but a beautiful and rare creature? I let out an unnecessary sigh and began my request again, to beseech him one last time.

He said he had to think about it.

Sometime during my speaking with Bella, with Rosalie coddling her, and Jacob sniffling in the corner, left to his own devices, my wife asked for another cup of blood. When she was given one, I mentally heard Jacob's answer: _Yes._ Just save her.

That was all I needed.

And then, as it always happens, everything when to Hell in a handbasket.

I watched, almost in slow-motion, as Bella dropped the cup of blood on Esme's white carpet, the red liquid splashing over the floor. She gasped and stretched to get up when I heard a most horrific sound, the sound of tissue breaking apart, human tissue, and a loud and blood-curdling scream.

Bella fell to the floor, eyes wide in terror, mouth stretched into a permanent 'O', as blood streamed from her legs and mouth. She was coughing up and discharging blood. Her rich, vibrant blood.

Most of the birth was a blur. I'm positive my mind chose to block out most of this purposely. I remember it the parts that are embedded in my memory, no matter how much I tried to block them. Bella, thrashing and writhing in pain, Rosalie, jumping on my wife only to be taken down by Jacob. Alice calling Carlisle and Esme. My plea to my wife to hold out for morphine, and her immediately denial followed by her gasping cries.

"_GET HIM OUT!!!! HE CAN'T BREATHE!!!" she shrieked, clutching her abdomen, the blood vessels in her eyes bursting. I grabbed the venom-filled injection from the side table, determination took over just then. There was no way in hell I would lose my wife. Not now, not ever. Not even for a baby._

"_The morphine hasn't even started—" I replied to her. I wouldn't do anything until I could smell the morphine in her veins._

"_What are you waiting for?! Get him out!" she cried out, grabbing my shirt in her fist._

She looked at me, her breathing so rapid, her heart practically beating out of her chest. I wondered if I would lose her beforehand. If the baby wasn't delivered, if her heart gave out ––

No, Bella would make it alive. One way or another.

"Please... save our baby, Edward. Promise me you'll save him!"

I looked into her eyes. How could I not promise her this? She loves this baby, and I do, too, but at her expense? With the possibility of losing her? I couldn't do that. But I would not live with myself if the last thing she heard from my lips was a lie...

"Yes, love, I promise to do all I can." She narrowed her eyes a bit, as if not trusting me quite yet to save him, but closed them and leaned back, gripping the sides of the table, gritting her teeth.

The thought of placing my sharp, venom-coated teeth anywhere near Bella's all-too-fragile body was heart-wrenching. But to save the child, I would need to do the unthinkable and remove the baby physically. So I did. Without so much as a thought, I took to her lower abdomen, gently, but firmly performing my first, and most likely last, Cesarean. I admit to blocking out details for my own sanity, but I cannot block out the sight of muscle and tissue that was once soft to my touch only weeks ago was now strong as steel the sound was very similar. Steel grating on steel.

Millions of things went through my mind and none of them were focused on anything but my all-too-important wife and the baby still in her body. I picked up my pace and took one last liberty on her lower half. When the opening was enough, I reached in, clutching a squirming pile of gloppy mess, blood and fluid. I froze, no sound was made. All was silent for nearly ten seconds, Bella still calling haphazardly for me, for Jacob, for the baby...

A soft coo echoed in the pin-drop silence.

Staring into the squirming bundle in my arms, I peered into the most beautiful pair of blue eyes I had ever seen. Tangles of blood and rich auburn hair crowned this creature's head, along with soft pink cheeks and a pale complexion. I took notice of the child closer...

"Renesmee," I gasped. It was a girl. Proof there was a God, after all.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, so, we have only one chapter left and one outtake. I've had this outtake for a while and wondered if I should post it or not, but I will. Look for it this weekend for sure.

The last chapter is half-done now, and it should wrap things up nicely. Considering how this really isn't the end of the story anyhow, there will be holes open where the future still hasn't happened (aka, the Volturi, Bella romping in the forest with Edward, , etc.) There are dozens of others that write those parts so much better than I do. Reviews are love and make my day. Literally.


	12. Father

_Firstly, the only story I've read that comes close to how I picture this time is Blondie AKA Robin's fic, _A Changing Heart_. It fits so perfectly that moment when Edward realizes he now has two people in his life that he must live for to protect. His dearly beloved wife, and his newborn daughter. I admit I bawled like a baby while reading it. So, in essence, this chapter is dedicated to you, Blondie. Thank you for being one of the first few people who introduced me to wondrous and terrible addiction that is Twilight fanfiction._

_I'd like to thank Books and ThexInvisiblexGirl especially on this one. They gave me much more insight than I could need and I heart them both. Such good authors themselves, too. Please go check them out.._

* * *

**Chapter 10 – Father**

It had been nearly an hour since I last did compressions on Bella. She was so still. So frail. I had grabbed a blanket from the cupboard downstairs and lain it across her, covering her nude body. To see the places where I had ripped with my teeth. I had mutilated her body beyond any comprehension at that moment. I had destroyed her.

Or so I thought.

Her chest did not move and I couldn't detect anything. Then, as I placed my hands over her heart to compress the venom through once more, I heard it. Faintly, but hear it I did. The venom coursing through her veins, the blood congealing under my fingertips. I also heard soft cooing downstairs and something else—a growl building then receding? I couldn't tell. All that mattered was saving Bella. I could not, _would not_ lose her. Not now. Not ever.

_But what if she was dead? What if you're just moving your venom in a corpse now?_

My mind worked in overdrive, all the precious moments of my life together with Bella. I remembered clearly that first time I saw her in the cafeteria. That deciding moment in biology. The near-accident, the meadow, meeting my family. A baseball game, the ensuing rush to keep her away from James and his coven.

Then there was the moment in the ballet studio when her eyes looked up at me and I knew there was nothing in this world that could ever keep me from loving her. No force on heaven or earth would keep me away.

But, it was as if Fate herself had a cruel sense of humor. Now, at the lowest of lows, that bitter harpy that had kept her keen eye on Bella for years let out a laugh and lunged to take her away from me one final time. I kept my hold on my precious wife with all my might. I just prayed, for once, that it would be enough. Enough to hold her.

"_...there's nothing that could hold me to you."_

How little my love knew then! How could she doubt my love for a second? I promised her I would spend the rest of my existence proving to her how much I loved her. I made this the happiest summer any engaged couple could ever want. I made sure that every preparation necessary was made to ensure that she would be the most joyful human in existence, until I changed her.

Now, listening to the soft coo, Rosalie playing with the baby downstairs, I could only imagine how much more I could take. I gained a daughter. How strange it was to say that, much less understand how, the beautiful bronze-haired baby was mine. But, my wife, as I knew her, was gone. She would be replaced by something cool, unnatural and just like me.

Would she forgive me for doing this to her? For condemning her soul to endless night?

Bella once told me she thought of me as her knight in shining armor. I laughed inwardly at the very thought that I could be someone that noble for her. But, lately, with everything that had happened during our wedding, the honeymoon... it seemed like a fairy-tale came true after all.

I guess Bella's fanciful ideas had rubbed off on me.

This past summer, before the wedding, Bella had confided in me about some those very ideas. She was never a fairy-tale kind of girl, but she had been thinking about it lately.

Soft sunlight hit my arms and chest, bouncing and reflecting. A breeze blew, with Bella's scent, that delicious ambrosia, hit me again that afternoon. It had heightened–I would swear i–this week. Like Fate decided that I wasn't in pain enough with not wanting to make her my wife in the most sacred of ways, but to also commit a reprehensible act upon her. Even still after... Italy... I had trouble every once in a while. I named them my 'flare-ups', liken a human with allergies.

She took in a breath and I waited for her to speak.

"Edward, do you remember anything about fairy-tales?"

I quirked an eyebrow and a smirk at her, leaning over and staring into her eyes, looking for a clue. Why in the name of God's green earth did she puzzle me so?

"Yes, I do. What about them?"

"Well," she fidgeted on the grass, nesting in the crook of my arm. "I remember a favorite of mine... Sleeping Beauty... and I used to apply it... to us"

Now she definitely had my attention. It was so absurd some of the things she came up with. I was a fairy-tale for her? What did that mean?

"What exactly do you mean, Ms. Swan? Are you accusing me of being Prince Charming?"

She giggled.

"Well, kinda... sorta... maybe," she spoke, softening with each word. She blushed pink, starting from her forehead, ending below her ears.

I pried gently. "What is it about the Grimm's fairy tale of Sleeping Beauty that enraptured you so?"

She thought for a minute. Then another minute. I hated when she did this. She was editing her answer.

Finally, she spoke again.

"Well, in the story," she began. "The princess was locked up in a high tower, a castle guarded by dragons and thorns."

"Not to mention a magic spell," I interrupted.

She smirked. "Yes, that, too. Well, she also waited on her True Love's first kiss to awaken her. I'd have bet she'd never kissed anyone, much less anything else. She was, unknowingly, waiting for the prince, even if she didn't know who he was yet.

And then she goes and touches the spindle, falling asleep, as predicted. She waits and waits until the prince comes and kisses her awake."

As I put two and two together, I realized where she was going with this.

"And you think I was the prince that awoke the princess, do you? Am I your Prince Charming, Bella?"

Again, a scarlet color flooded her face.

"Well... may... be..."

It was the craziest, most inapt description of myself I had ever heard. She thought we lived in a world of fairy-tales? That I was some handsome prince, coming to sweep her off her feet? That I was this great thing, this True Love, that came for her? Rescuing her?

I tried to stifle a laugh. Closing my eyes, I rolled back and really began shaking. I felt a slight tap on my arm, realizing Bella had tried to punch my arm.

I glanced at her sideways, through the quivering blades of grass. She looked slightly perturbed at me. Like I had just told her I ate her pet or something.

Quickly, I sat up, gathered her in my arms. I brushed her hair away from her neck and settled my chin against her collarbone. I felt heat coming off her skin, from both being angry and embarrassed over telling me about her ideal, I assumed.

"Bella, I'm sorry I laughed at you. It's just absurd to think of me as someone like that, someone attached to a fairy-tale."

"But it's not," she said softly, playing idly with my fingers splayed in her lap. "You mean more to me than some silly fairy-tale, but I can't help see the allusions.

And even if it sounds cheesy, I love you. You are my prince charming."

As crazy as it sounded, it was so lovely that she thought of me like that. Like someone who rescues damsels and destroys fiery dragons. Make-believe had its benefits.

I would have never told Bella about some of the more sinister tales of Sleeping Beauty. The raping of the young woman while she slept, her terrible mother, the wicked witch that haunted her. Walt Disney created a much tamer tale and gave young women, women like my Bella, a chance to dream. Innocent, pure dreams. And that was something I never wanted to take from her. So now, I would wait for my Sleeping Beauty, my Aurora, to return to me.

A coo downstairs, soft as a mockingbird, reached my ears. I knew whose voice it was. But I didn't know if I could deal with it just right now. Not with my wife, her mother, laying here in near-death.

But footsteps rang in my ears. I pulled the blanket over Bella higher. Even in her unconscious state, I was sure she would be mortified to know that half of my family saw her in a state of undress. Of all things while giving birth...

_Edward? Might I come in?_ called a calm, controlled voice in my head. Carlisle.

I watched the golden-haired man, my father for all intents and purposes, step in the room.

_How is she? _He asked, reaching out and lightly grasping Bella's wrist, checking her pulse. "Still no change?"

I shook my head. "None." Not since she slipped into her comatose state. Not since I killed her.

Evidently, Carlisle could see the distress in my face. Plain as day. He leaned into Bella, sniffing her wrist lightly.

"There's no scent of the morphine left."

I nodded. "I know." Better than you could realize, Carlisle. It was excruciating, watching her lie there, so still. I had no idea if she was dying, if she was in terrible pain. I didn't know. That was the hardest part: not knowing. Not being in control. It was terrifying.

I reached out for Bella's hand, grasping it in my cold one. She felt slightly cooler than her normal temperature. _Bodies cool when death sets in_.

"Bella, love, can you hear me?" I waited a beat.

"Bella, sweetheart, do you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me."

Nothing.

"Maybe... Maybe, Carlisle, I was too late," my voice broke on the word _late_. Was I too late? Was she dead, gone from me forever? Left to care for our daughter? My mind began spinning, plans running amok in my head. _I could leave Renesmee with Rose. She would care for her. I would run back to Italy, go make another coven mad, anything. If she was gone, the meaning of my existence, I would no longer stay here. There was no reason to. My daughter wouldn't remember my existence in time. Rosalie always wanted to be a mother..._

"Listen to her heart, Edward," came Carlisle's gentle and loving admonishment. "It's stronger than even Emmett's was. I've never heard anything so _vital._"

I sighed. He knew what to say to bring me out of my dark imaginings. He loved her, I could tell, just like a daughter. And add becoming a grandfather to that list? It's the happiest I had seen Carlisle in a long time. Since I had decided that I would propose back in the summer between her junior and senior year. All summer I had plans to marry her. To ask her at her high school graduation to become my wife.

Amazing how plans can change so quickly. And yet, sometimes be even more perfect, or insane, than you had ever imagined.

But her back, her spine... I said so as much to Carlisle. He reassured me that Esme's spine healed just fine, as would Bella's. She would be up and walking in a mere few days time.

"But she's so still! I must have done something wrong."

Carlisle placed his hands on my shoulders, looking me square in the eye.

"Or something right, Edward. Son, you did everything I could have and more. I'm not sure I would have had the persistence, the faith it took to save her. Stop berating yourself. Bella is going to be fine."

I still wasn't so sure. She could be in agony, in such pain. I hated her doing this. Doing any of this for me. I wasn't worth it at all. Not in the slightest.

Despite Carlisle's continuing praise of the good deed I'd done for my wife, I would never forgive myself if she was less-than-perfect if she came back to me. If she was damaged in the slightest... if she didn't come back. Sorrow threatened to overtake me, leave me wallowing in its wake.

I touched the spot where I last bit her. There was a faint scar there, cool compared to the rest of her body. It was the physical reminder of my both my offense and my possible salvation. "Bella, I'm so sorry. Bella, I love you." Whispered words from a nearly-broken man. One who had seen too many things that could not be erased, bleached from his memory.

Moments passed. I never heard Carlisle's feet leave the room, so he must have stayed.

_What about the situation downstairs? You can't ignore it, as strange as it is._

Yes, of course. Of all things for that damn mutt to do, he imprints—_imprints!_—on my daughter. Rose was feeding the baby downstairs. But what to do with the dog? Could I throw him out? Forbid him to cross the threshold of my home, as Charlie had done on occasion?

What would that do to Renesmee? I'd seen how the imprinting process worked. With Quil, another of Sam's pack, and Claire, it was nothing but a big brother and little sister. But the child would grow older, and her feelings would change. Whether she loved him or not, he would always be there for her.

_Like a dog and its master, Jacob can't seem to tear away from Renesmee. Not even if he tried, _ a voice said. I smiled slightly Carlisle knew exactly what to say. Almost as if he was reading my mind.

"Yes, just like that. I can't imagine him hurting her, but that doesn't mean I don't have to like it." It was hard to imagine the beautiful baby girl I had held in my arms, so hot to my touch, would be thrilled to be with the same mongrel that nearly ravished her mother a few months prior. That would be a interesting conversation to have. One I wouldn't enjoy in the slightest.

"I'll deal with it later. _We'll_ deal with it later," I said, in reply to what to do, kissing Bella's palm as I said it. Bella and I would cross that bridge when we came to it. Just as we had everything else in our lives. But this time, we would be equal. Have equal say and footing in the situation. Not just me alone.

A few more parting words over the tremulous relationship started by the dog downstairs, Carlisle left me, to keep silent vigil over my wife.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Alice came in next. Just the little imp I wanted to see.

She danced into the room, holding a icy-blue silk party dress with stilettos that matched. Of all things, she worries what Bella would wear? And the most ridiculous attire, too. I said as much to my sister.

"Wouldn't a pair of slacks and a sweater be fine for this? Bella will need to hunt as soon as she wakes."

Alice flashed her golden eyes at me, as if I were committing some unpardonable sin.

"Of course not! My new sister needs to look her best," she began, her tirade only beginning. "And I will not have her looking shabby when she wakes up! You nearly gave me hell for not showing Bella herself at the wedding beforehand."

"Gave you hell? Alice, really, would I trouble you over something as trivial as that?" Possibly, I might have. Just a little.

_Of course you would. And you did, if you remember exactly. Does 'Bella never sees herself clearly. You should have showed her in her dress before we married!" ring a bell, dear brother?_

OK, well I _might_ have gave Alice a little trouble over that. Not much. It was a minor thing, really. I gave her a half-smile and she sighed dramatically, shrugging her shoulders. Then that devious smirk appeared on her face. She reached up and placed a kiss on my cheek.

"You know, she's going to be absolutely stunning when she wakes up."

What? I did a double-take. Alice stood there, smug and grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Yes, Edward, she'll be fine. I can see her so clearly now."

If I could have wept, I would have. I hugged my sister and she just chuckled.

"I'm am so glad one of us can _see the possibilities_ in the family," I said, releasing her. She danced around the room and looked at Bella's face, her hand going to her cheek.

"I can't wait to see my best friend again," she muttered, and caressed her cheek. Dancing back around the table, she looked me sternly in the eye. "And I am dressing her, too. No 'ifs', 'ands' or 'buts', Mister."

"Alice, please, give me a time frame, if you don't mind."

She sighed, but closed her eyes. A moment later, she smiled, eyelids opening to reveal the time. _Just this afternoon. Around 3 o'clock, I believe. I can't really make out the exact time._

"Thank you, Alice." I knew my gratitude was etched on my face, but I grabbed her hand and squeezed it firmly.

_You're welcome, Brother._ And with that, she skipped out of the room and into what appeared to be another bedroom, with a crib, a dresser and an assortment of toys. A nursery.

I would have grumbled over the extravagance already, but I was too excited to hear that Bella would live. The first bright day since I heard the baby speak through the womb. It was amazing, to me, really.

I turned back to Bella, grasping her hand in mine. I felt it become even cooler now. Just a slighter difference in temperature. She was changing. So quite and so still, but transforming. My Bella.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

A soft knock echoed in the room. _Mind if I come in? There is someone who wants to see you._ Esme smiled, her grin stretching from ear to ear. And in her arms was a soft pink bundle, squirming and twisting. A light coo, the same one I heard downstairs. The bundle had a reddish-brown top, soft miniature pin curls crowning the sweet smell of jasmine and soft plush velvet. It was my daughter.

_She missed you Edward._

"Really?" I said, surprised. She had Rose and Jacob downstairs with her to play with. Obviously less morose choices for a child.

"Yes. She asked Rose where the man with the red hair was. She was looking for her father," Esme grinned deeper, unwrapping the bundle to show Renesmee's face. I gasped.

I had failed to notice when I snatched Renesmee away that her eyes must have changed. A newborn's eyes are blue, and change gradually over time. Now, they were colored to match a pair of eyes I never thought I would see again. Deep, melting pools of chocolate brown. Her mother's eyes. I chuckled and leaned in. Esme held her arms out.

_She wants you to hold her, Edward. She wants you, Daddy._

Daddy? I never thought those words would ever be a part of my existence. But here, cruel Fate decided enough was enough. She had been kind enough to give me part of Bella back. In making amends for all the hardship over the past two years, I now could hold a little part of Bella, human Bella, in my arms.

"Take her. She's been asking for you for a few hours now," she said, carefully handing her to me, such as a mother would a newborn. Cradle the head, give support to their necks and posteriors. They were fragile creatures. The most fragile of humans.

But my Renesmee, that beautiful angel of a baby she was, was much more sturdy. Her weight was imperceptibly heavier than a normal newborn. Her breathing was faster, but seemed normal. For her anyway. Her eyes widened and she smiled, showing pearly white teeth.

"She also has a gift, Edward."

I had forgotten Esme was still there. I was too wrapped up in Renesmee.

"She does?" I inquired, lightly taking the baby's hand, tiny fingers curling around my index finger. All three of hers fit around my finger. I could hold her head in my palm and it would look huge compared to how small she was.

"Yes. She can show us things."

I stared at my mother. "Show us things? I asked, a bit nonplussed.

She just smiled lightly. Again. I doubted if that smile had left her face since Renesmee was born. She and Carlisle had come in just after I had found Jacob holding my daughter. I broke into a crouch, growling at him when Rose jumped in front of me, blocking Renesmee and Jacob.

Surprised didn't cover it.

Rosalie explained what had happened. Esme and Carlisle, perplexed, stood in the doorway. A moment later, Esme was cooing over the baby, with Rosalie and Jacob. I headed upstairs with my father, fuming all the way. I'd flog my sister and the dog later for that.

"I'll let her show you what I mean," Esme said. She stepped away. Folding her hands in front of her. "I'll just leave you two alone. For father and daughter time." _Get to know you daughter. She reminds me a lot of you and Bella both. Your best traits._

With that, my mother, a grandmother, left the room.

I stood there, staring into those brown eyes I knew all to well. For a moment, I hesitated. I never was around babies, much less young children before. I never had worked in the pediatric wing of the hospital during the internship I took at Johns Hopkins in 1961. Never was around children for fear of scaring them or otherwise, disposing of them in a fit of hunger. I was afraid, frankly, I would hurt them. And it would hurt worse to know that I had hurt a child than to have one of my arms torn off.

But now, with Renesmee staring into my eyes, a flicker of recognition crossed her face. She reached her tiny hand up and placed it on my cheek.

Images flooded from all corners of my mind. I gasped and wrenched away, only to see my baby's face crumble. She was upset.

"Oh, dear little one. It's OK. I am sorry I disturbed you." She seemed placated and reached her hand up again, as if to ask _May I?_ I nodded. This time, I was ready for the pictures. The visuals of seeing her mother, bleeding on the table, her deathbed. Seeing Rosalie, Alice and Jasper. Of the first time seeing Jacob, when she seemed very happy. A scowling, teenage wolf changed into a heart-warming smile, beatific and glorious to her. Troublesome to me. At least I knew of my daughter's feelings for the moment.

Renesmee showed me the past 24 hours of what had happened in her tiny life. She showed me glorious colors, which reminded me of Isle Esme. Perhaps when Bella was having her dreams... that was really our baby? How strong was our child?

A moment later, Renesmee sighed. As only a human-vampire hybrid could. It was soft and gentle, but not like a child. Her awareness was too good for that. It was both startling and amazing to witness her capacity to simply be. The knowledge she had gained thus far. Visual after visual of the stories Carlisle had regaled to her. Of Esme showing off her finest silver serving set that Carlisle had purchased for her in June for the wedding. Emmett making silly faces, causing her to smile and grin. Rosalie feeding her and Jacob holding her, playing with her.

The last visual was of a man I hardly knew. Gaunt, weary and disheveled. Reddish-brown hair sticking up every which way. Ruby-tinged amber eyes. She was seeing me.

She removed her hand from my face and I pulled her close. Smelling her lovely floral, yet fruity scent. Just a touch of something else. Vanilla maybe? Delicious and refreshing at the same time. I hummed, notes and melodies swirling in my head. Louder for her, my daughter, to hear.

I hummed a soft lullaby, much like Bella's. Renesmee's eyes lit up. Those molten pools of cocoa giving me warmth and love. I smiled, feeling my face crinkle for the first time. The first real time, in hours. It seemed like years. I nuzzled my face, as natural as it could be, against her body. Her scent was strong and sweet.

How could I imagine leaving this darling girl? How could anything bad, terrible or cruel happen in a world where this creature, this child, existed? It wasn't possible.

And for the second time in my life, I felt hope. Overwhelming, crashing over me like a tidal wave hope. Bella would awaken. She would be new and forever with me. Renesmee would be here with us. I felt so much love, I had to express it.

"I love you, my baby girl. My Renesmee."

The girl looked into my eyes and her little hand reached and patted my cheek.

_I love you, too, Daddy._

My heart swelled, and I continued singing to her. Perhaps a new lullaby would be crafted for her? Maybe one filled with hope, love and the certainty of family. One I never really understood until now. I was more grateful for Carlisle and Esme than before.

Soon, according to Alice's calculations, Bella would wake up. And I would be more than excited to see her. I would tell her again how much I loved her, how much she meant to me, how impossibly grateful I was for her to be with me, again, and how she had given me the most precious gifts of all: herself and our child.

As I drifted the song to a close, watching Renesmee's eyes drift shut, I pondered how amazing things can turn around so quickly. Three days ago, I was condemning myself to her death, in which I would follow after. Now, I was waiting... waiting on my wife to wake up. My personal Sleeping Beauty.

* * *

_So, that's it. That's the final chapter of Consummation. It's over and done with. I advise you to go check out a few other stories out there. _Metamorphosis_, _Spiral Static_ and _Left Behind_ are some of the best BD and BD AU stories out there. And, if you want to see _Consummation_ go further, see _Metamorphosis_. That woman writes Daddyward so good that makes me cry. So sweet!  
_

_Thank you for reading this and going on this long journey with me. I appreciate the comments and suggestions and please leave a review. I'd like to know how this last chapter went._

**_Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and have a very happy New Year!_**

_**EDIT: Thank you to all who reminded me, gently, that it was QUIL, not Jared, that imprinted on Claire. That is now fixed.**_

_**Also: the scent I gave Renesmee is this 'Princess' perfume by Vera Wang. It's girly and I thought it fit:**_

http://www (dot) neimanmarcus (dot) com/store/catalog/prod (dot) jhtml?itemId=prod77950303&ecid=NMCIGoogleBaseFeed&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=C0HHQ

The hospital that Edward claims he interned at is Johns Hopkins, and here is the children's wing:

http://www (dot) hopkinschildrens (dot) org/tpl_rlinks (dot) aspx?id=98


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